All posts by Rod Lott

If You Like Quentin Tarantino … Here Are Over 200 Films, TV Shows, and Other Oddities That You Will Love

Limelight Editions has put out half a dozen If You Like … pop-culture guidebooks over the last year, using everything from The Beatles to The Sopranos as jumping-off points for recommended media, but Katherine Rife’s If You Like Quentin Tarantino … is the most logical of them yet.

Why? Because Tarantino is the perfect subject for such as series, for what are his movies but built-in recommendation lists? They wear their influences on their sleeves, right out in the open. Thus, Rife can feel safe in recommending, say, an Ennio Morricone album, because QT has drawn from that well many a time already.

A filmmaker herself, the Chicago-based Rife has structured the paperback into eight chapters, one for each of his directed features, from Reservoir Dogs 20 years ago (feel old yet?) to next month’s hotly anticipated Django Unchained. Moving chronologically through them, she delivers mini-essays and reviews on flicks and other media that directly match each; thus, she covers crime, noir, blaxploitation, martial arts, Italian horror, biker pics, war epics and spaghetti Westerns at large, with many subgenres peppered about.

She doesn’t always pick the obvious, too; although those are there — say, Sonny Chiba’s Street Fighter trilogy, the first part of which is practically a plot point of True Romance — she also digs down to the obscure, or obscure enough that you’ll curse her when you can’t find the film in print. The lady knows her stuff; depending on what her feet look like, she could be QT’s idea of a perfect woman.

Personally, I love her ain’t-screwin’-’round writing voice, as witnessed by such lines as “Dicks don’t get more dickish than Mike Hammer” or for pegging Martin Scorsese’s Boxcar Bertha as “hobosploitation.” That’s new.

Generously but not overly illustrated, the book swims in sidebars, too, in order to suggest some pulp fiction (as in novels, mind you), count down the seminal blaxploitation soundtrack albums, or sludge through the high (low?) points of rape-revenge movies. These shortened bits also serve as quick-fix 101s as such important topics as Wu-Tang Clan, Brian De Palma or Goblin. We all should be as schooled. —Rod Lott

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Bruce Lee: A Dragon Story (1974)

This poorly dubbed (and, therefore, highly entertaining) slice of Bruceploitation tells the true story of Bruce Lee straight up, with no BS — except that the character is never called Bruce, he looks like nothing like Bruce (who didn’t wear a beard) and skirts all the details. In true Hong Kong fashion, the film remains reverent to the legend via distorted facts and wacky-ass sound effects!

As soon as the “biopic” begins, meager paperboy Bruce Lee But Not Bruce Lee (played by Bruce Li) is persuaded by pals to enter a karate tournament. He does, wins and is immediately approached by some American schmoe who simply says, “Hello. I am producing The Green Hornet program this fall on NBC and I’d like you to have a part. Are you interested?” and then walks out. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is storytelling.

A Dragon Story then chronicles Bruce’s quick rise to fame as the star of Fists of Fury and The Chinese Connection, although both go unnamed. He also forgets about his wife and kids back in the States in favor of a boozy, slutty actress named Betty Ting Pei, with whom he shares a tender coitus scene to the tune of a disco-funk instrumental of “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.”

The whole thing is just an excuse to get to some kicking, and what little martial arts they show is pretty unspectacular. But at least one fight scene is set by a swimming pool so all four of Bruce’s enemies can conveniently fall in! Dat shit funny! During another fight scene, a bug slowly moves across the lens.

Before he dies in Betty’s home from a bangeroo headache, we are treated to the film’s defining moment: a syrupy, Cantopop love ballad with the lyrics, “I trimmed my long hair for you / And I keep them short also for you / The style never change / Be ever faithful, my darling / To our love they tangled together / Leaving scents on the pillow / My heart now belongs to you / Never let me despaired.” For this alone, A Dragon Story kicks the crap out of Hollywood’s big-budget Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. —Rod Lott

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Bail Out (1989)

The plot of Bail Out is too convoluted for its own good, but all you really know is this: It stars and was produced by one Mr. David Hasselhoff.

Davey plays “White Bread,” a tennis instructor and bounty hunter hired by an annoying Jewish bail bondsman to make sure spoiled heiress Nettie Ridgeway (The Exorcist‘s Linda Blair) shows up in court. Then he turns into Rambo when she’s kidnapped by swarthy foreign types with Uzis. With the help of his skip-tracin’ pals Blue (the black guy) and Bean (the Hispanic guy), he vows to rescue her.

At first, Nettie doesn’t even like White Bread (who can blame her?), leaving him stranded without clothes at a cheap sex motel. Earlier, he plays air tennis with a stripper while she dances onstage! The strangest moment, however, comes courtesy the bail bondsman, who refuses to pay Bean in cash because his family will “use it to buy marijuana and wine!”

Despite all the dead bodies, the movie wants to be funny, too. Unfortunately, its attempts at humor are reminiscent of the lame ’80s NBC TV-movies loaded with sitcom stars like Night Court’s Richard Moll, Family Ties’ Tina Yothers, a lesser Cosby kid or two and of course Jackée from 227. You know the ones: They were either set in Europe or at a summer camp.

Hasselhoff’s in way over his head in this one on all fronts. He even says to himself, “I can’t believe he called me ‘fuckface!’” Really, David? —Rod Lott

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Cyber Tracker (1994)

You know, when I watch crappy movies that went straight to video and hear ridiculous lines like “I’ll give you a lead enema!” and “I think table 3 could use some nachos,” I often wonder if the screenwriter had illusions his work was headed for the $100-million-budget treatment instead of one just above your average rental fee.

I thought that a lot during Cyber Tracker, partly because it was so boring, I had to do something to bide the time, and partly because its premise and some scenes reminded me of Steven Spielberg’s Minority Report. As expected, Cyber Tracker’s level of energy doesn’t compare to Minority Report, unless we’re talking about that part in the latter’s end credits where they listed the caterers.

Bloodfist franchise star Don “The Dragon” Wilson kickboxes his way through his role as a Secret Service agent in the near future, when “computerized justice” allows Terminator-like robots to execute the guilty immediately, no questions asked. But when the grieving, widowed Wilson is framed for murder, he has to clear his name in order to stay alive.

After all, he’s in danger of getting a lead enema, and table 3 sure could use some nachos. —Rod Lott

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Two Undercover Angels (1969)

I couldn’t make heads or tails of Jess Franco’s Two Undercover Angels, but I know it’s a bright and bubbly comedic thriller that has something to do with two hot spies (Succubus co-stars Janine Reynaud and Rosanna Yanni) who operate as The Red Lips. They’re great at detection, interior design, sensual massage and lusting for Paul Newman.

The story, so to speak, involves murdered models and white trafficking, but don’t let that get you down! It’s dealt with by way of a basement art gallery of erotic multimedia works by pop artist Ernst Thiller, whose assistant is a werewolf, just because.

Alternately titled Sadist Erotica, this lively mess of a movie offers such incomprehensible delights as a woman running for her life while wearing bridal lingerie, an eyepatched assassin, a female art thief in head-to-toe black, death by blowdart, and lots of go-go dancing.

Taking itself with not one iota of seriousness, the zippy heap of Eurotrash includes a few meta touches like a naked woman refusing to get out from underneath the sheets until the camera zooms in to the point that her chest will be out of frame. Two Undercover Angels is more about enjoying the party vibe than trying to absorb all the convo, and The Red Lips were back that same year to smooch some more in Kiss Me, Monster. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.