All posts by Rod Lott

Close Calls (2017)

While Dad’s out dining with his bitchy new girlfriend, troubled teenaged girl Morgan is grounded and home alone — well, almost home alone, if not for her invalid grandmother. 

So the prodigiously chested Morgan (Jordan Phipps, Amazon Hot Box) ditches her shirt immediately and hangs out in a red bra. Between bong rips and asthma inhaler hits, she receives creepy, increasingly obscene phone calls, likely from her incel stalker. 

The sitter-in-peril flick is an exploitation staple. Close Calls may be the only one to dare go this far. I don’t mean in content; I mean in literal running time. 

Look, as a heterosexual male, let me say unequivocally that I love boobs. But let me also say unequivocally there is no reason — none! Not even those! — for Close Calls to play out for 128 minutes. On one hand, I get that writer/director Richard Stringham (who also worked with Phipps on that year’s 10/31 anthology) would want to showcase his lovely leading lady and her special effects as much as possible. The camera placement makes that clear, especially when her face isn’t even in frame.

On the other, needless scenes litter and clutter the movie — often a problem of directors making the leap from shorts to their first feature, which is the case with Close Calls. It needs to be tight in order to be taut. For example, what does a scene of Morgan pleasuring herself add? Nothing, except for the squish-squish-squish SFX, which are more than a bit much.

So is that twist ending, which emerges from nowhere and goes to the same place. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Knight Chills (2001)

If you think watching people play Dungeons & Dragons is boring, Knight Chills would like to have a word with you. Now, you’re correct and the shot-on-video movie is dead wrong, but Knight Chills wants a word nonetheless. It’s either not listening or doesn’t care an iota. You’re going to see some serious, no-move-spared RPGing, dammit.

Once a week, a handful of students meet for D&Ding in the basement of a teacher (Tim Jeffrey) who doubles as dungeon master: “The scent of nutmeg is overwhelming.” John (Michael Rene Walton, Superfights) is one of the regulars, despite being openly ridiculed and bullied by the others. John’s dogged attendance might have something to do with fellow gamer Brooke (Laura Tidwell) looking like a layaway-plan Jessica Chastain.

After Brooke soundly rejects John’s date offer in front of the others, he dons the full regalia — from armor to sword — of his gaming character, Sir Kallio, and embarks on a killing spree of vengeance. Even with “Sir Kallio” being a name one shouldn’t speak in the presence of others, Knight Chills’ premise is terrific for a slasher movie, yet near-instantly squandered by first-/last-time director Katherine Hicks.

Although each kill is different, milady, that variety across homicides isn’t enough to offset the mind-numbing scenes of seemingly eternal game play. The scent of something is overwhelming, all right, but it sure ain’t nutmeg. Zero hit points. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Godzilla 1985 (1985)

With a revisit of Godzilla 1985, the biggest question isn’t why it took Toho more than a decade to bring the king of the monsters back from retirement. The biggest question also isn’t why it ignores the 14 sequels following the 1954 original Godzilla. Rather, the biggest question is why the opening introduces some kind of flying tick the size of an Igloo ice chest, only for it to never reappear.

At least that’s my biggest question. More serious G-fans may wonder otherwise, like, “This was the first Godzilla movie you saw in full?” It sure was! Before I could drive, it took some convincing for my mom to rent it for me. New World Pictures’ VHS release had Marv Newland’s immortal Bambi Meets Godzilla cartoon playing upfront, too.

But to answer the inquiries posed in paragraph one: Who cares when Raymond Burr is back! Returning for the first and last time since the Americanized franchise-starter, Burr (Gorilla at Large) is the barrel-chested newspaperman Steven (née Steve) Martin. Also returning: Godzilla, re-emerging in Japan after all these years, taking out a Russian sub in the process. The Russkies blame the U.S., not the big lizard, thereby stoking nuclear fears.

As the lone Western Hemisphere-based survivor of Godzilla’s initial stampede three decades prior — you know, before the world discovered color — Martin is summoned to the Pentagon as an adviser. The Pentagon is played by a darkened room, plus one hallway to allow for product placement for Dr Pepper, so misunderstood.

That’s about all the “story” Godzilla 1985 requires. The Japanese authorities employ bird chirps to lure our favorite kaiju into a volcano; luckily, Godzilla takes a detour to stomp the shit out of downtown Tokyo first — the film’s raison d’être. Having previously performed assistant duties on King Kong vs. Godzilla and others, director Koji Hashimoto understands his simple mission and rises to the occasion: Showcase the nice model work and get out of the way.

By contrast, the Burr/Pentagon/American footage handled by R.J. Kizer (Hell Comes to Frogtown) is all passive spectatorship. However, it does allow for the introduction of, despite his red hair, a U.S. military major (Travis Swords, Pink Cadillac) who milks his second-banana status for all it’s worth. For example, while monitoring the sitch in Japan, he notes, “That’s quite an urban renewal program they’ve got going over there.” He’s not wrong. —Rod Lott

Get it at dvdrparty.

Boy Kills World (2023)

Somewhere between The Purge and The Hunger Games stands The Culling. For decades, the annual, cereal-sponsored event allows the ruler of a totalitarian regime to round up and execute enemies on live TV. Years ago, a boy named Boy witnessed the murder of his family that way. Deaf, mute and now totally ripped, the grown-up Boy (Bill Skarsgård, Barbarian) undertakes a mission of revenge on that politician (Famke Janssen, X-Men) and her own brood.

German director and co-writer Moritz Mohr has built Boy Kills World, his debut feature, similarly to how posh parents whip up a baby by selecting preferred genes. His film is inspired by video games, dystopian sci-fi, kung-fu movies, graphic novels, splatter à la Sam Raimi (who incidentally produces) and more video games. Instead of blonde hair and blue eyes, Mohr seems to have chosen the elements calculated to get his firstborn branded with the “instant cult classic” label. The problem is, awful title notwithstanding, that winning formula can’t be brewed in a lab.

Its fight sequences run so long and are so CGI-dependent, the effect is like watching a marathon session of your roommate play an FPS. At least some of the skirmishes are scored by the propulsive party sounds of El Michels Affair, which recall The Go! Team at its jump-ropin’ peak.

Although slick in the right spots and boasting fun (in small doses) comic turns from Michelle Dockery (Non-Stop) and Sharlto Copley (Monkey Man) as members of the political dynasty, the film tries hard to please — so hard that it ultimately proves to be too much of a good thing. In fact, it’s too much of too much, right down to use of the Wilhelm scream. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Monolith (2022)

A disgraced journalist (Lily Sullivan, Evil Dead Rise) attempts to rebuild her career — if not her credibility — by starting Beyond Believable, an investigative podcast on unexplained events. One night, the subject for a potential first episode falls in her lap via an anonymous email. Bearing the subject line “The Truth Will Out,” it contains only a name, a phone number and a cryptic reference to a brick.

As the saying goes, curiosity killed the podcaster, so she takes the bait. A couple of calls later, she’s nose-deep in the mystery — or conspiracy? —regarding these black bricks of unknown origin and composition, and containing odd symbols inside.

One unsolicited tip is all it takes to lead her down a rabbit hole. For a good while, the same holds true for Monolith viewers as well, thanks to Sullivan’s engaging performance — all but required when you’re the lone actor onscreen. Unlike the recent, similarly themed First Time Caller, the Australian Monolith benefits from its always-on lead character not being abhorrent.

As first-time filmmakers, director Matt Vesely and scripter Lucy Campbell take a lot of correct steps upfront. Ultimately, their conclusion’s dogged ambiguity could work against the film’s potential life span. Sci-fi viewers don’t demand complete, lock-and-key explanations — witness The X-Files — but for Monolith to pivot so hard to the abstract after an hour of Sullivan’s methodical info-gathering feels indolent. Nevertheless, I look forward to whatever they direct their energy toward next. After all, the truth will out. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.