All posts by Rod Lott

Mommy (1995)

Although Mommy isn’t officially a sequel to 1956’s classic The Bad Seed, the idea for the shot-on-video thriller sparked from a “what if?” scenario in writer/director Max Allan Collins’ mind — namely, what would Patty McCormack’s killer-kid character be like as a grown-up … y’know, if she hadn’t been fatally fried by a bolt of lightning and all? Mommy knows best. Call it The Bad Seed: The Cougar Years.

McCormack’s titular matriarch, Mrs. Sterling, is a 40-something, double-“widowed” single woman dripping in pearls, entitlement and racism. She enters the Iowa-lensed movie like a boss, strutting into school after final bell to have a word with the teacher (Majel Barrett, 1973’s Westworld) who has decided to give this year’s outstanding student award to someone other than her daughter, Jessica Ann (newcomer Rachel Lemieux). Only one woman leaves the conversation alive, thus making Mrs. Sterling the ultimate stage mother.

As the body count increases, 12-year-old Jessica Ann’s distrust in her mom grows, boosted by the elder’s ability to open jars with minimal effort. When the girl goes snooping in Mommy’s bedroom, Collins cooks up genuine suspense, with viewers nervously looking at the open door in the far right of frame, for any sign Jessica Ann is about to get busted.

A prolific novelist — and a damned good one — Collins based Mommy on his same-named short story from the 1995 horror anthology Fear Itself. On the page, you can write anything, but on the screen, everything comes with a price tag; this being Collins’ first feature, his ambition sometimes gets reality-checked. Nowhere is this more evident than the night scenes, lit with saturated red, blue and orange gels … that get washed out on video (but are more visually pleasing than the credits’ use of Comic Sans and other egregious fonts). Collins acknowledges this limitation on the 25th-anniversary “widescream” Blu-ray set (which also contains the 1997 sequel, Mommy’s Day). By his third movie, Real Time: Siege at Lucas Street Market, he expertly had reversed the equation to make minuscule resources work in the flick’s favor.

Luckily, McCormack’s performance doesn’t depend upon a line item. She’s clearly having a ball. As much of a hoot she is to watch, not everyone else aligns to her frequency of camp. Having no acting experience at the time, Lemieux isn’t up to that challenge as Mommy’s distrustful daughter, but she does a decent job in what is the true lead. Famous faces also in the cast include The Exorcist’s Jason Miller, Mike Hammer creator Mickey Spillane and B-movie scream queen Brinke Stevens (The Jigsaw Murders), here completely clothed. —Rod Lott

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Dangerous Cargo (1977)

What a ship captain thinks is cotton below deck is actually nitroglycerin — Dangerous Cargo, if you will. This Greek-language picture of peril takes place almost entirely on the potentially doomed boat, but is far more interested in explosions of another sort. And with Body Double femme fatale Deborah Shelton aboard, who can blame it?

Resplendent in Crystal Gayle hair and a rainbow-sherbet dress when she first appears, the gorgeous Shelton plays the wife of the captain (Nikos Verlekis, Land of the Minotaur) on his maiden voyage. She used to be a thing with the ship’s first mate, which gets a little confusing since both men look the same: as the Greek James Brolin. The only one you need worry about, however, is the lead pirate (Minotaur alum Kostas Karagiorgis) of the group that smuggles the nitro on before departure (in a container labeled “DANGEROUS NITRO” in — no joke — peel-’n’-stick letters) for eventual ship takeover and subsequent destruction of oil wells.

The graying, bloated pirate has eyes — and hands and crotch — for Shelton, all of which he employs in multiple rape/sex scenes that uncomfortably teeter toward the near-gynecological, hairy ass cracks and all. An entirely different Kostas, last name Karagiannis, is the director of this clumsy, double-drachma enterprise, proficient only in zooming in to his fellow Kostas’ constant groping and squeezing and suckling of the most unfortunate American leading lady.

Dangerous Cargo may be a shaggy-dog precursor to the Cinemax-ready erotic thrillers that kept Shannons Tweed and Whirry busy for most of the 1990s, but imagine if the Andrew Stevens/Marc Singer role were filled by, say, Dennis Farina. (No offense, Dennis, and R.I.P.) —Rod Lott

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Reading Material: Short Ends 1/30/20

After the 2015 documentary Doomed!, one might wonder what’s left to be said on the unreleased Fantastic Four film. Turns out, plenty! For BearManor Media, William Nesbitt has written Forsaken: The Making and Aftermath of Roger Corman’s The Fantastic Four. While I initially felt misgivings upon learning the book does not present a front-to-back narrative, its structure of nearly 30 individual Q&As actually works well; because the interviews don’t have to be read in order, so you can pick and choose those whose viewpoints interest you most. I most recommend those of principal actors Carl Ciarfalio and Alex Hyde-White, screenwriter Craig J. Nevius, director Oley Sassone, producers Corman and Bernd Eichinger, storyboard artist Pete Von Sholly and Film Threat’s Chris Gore. (Elsewhere, Stan Lee and Troma’s Lloyd Kaufman seem nowhere near as untrustworthy.) One small quibble: the title. I would’ve gone with Foursaken, because c’mon!

Cleaver Patterson could have collected various essays on fright films, but where’s the fun in that? Instead, he does something unique for this paperback, which you can probably infer from its title: Don’t Go Upstairs! A Room-by-Room Tour of the House in Horror Movies. Many of the approximately 60 blueprint entries cover the iconic works, from Psycho’s cellar and up The Exorcist’s stairwell to Poltergeist’s kitchen. But making the book all the better is that Patterson doesn’t forget exposing readers to more obscure titles, including the guest room of The Uninvited or the conservatory of Symptoms. In each case, the scene(s) in question is discussed and reviewed, rather than the movie itself. The McFarland & Company release isn’t essential, but its different angle is much appreciated.

If nothing else, you will gain an enormous amount of knowledge of and respect for the craft of film editing after reading Academy Award winner Paul Hirsch’s autobiography for Chicago Review Press. A Long Time Ago in a Cutting Room Far, Far Away: My Fifty Years Editing Hollywood Hits ― Star Wars, Carrie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Mission: Impossible, and More delivers exactly as promised, brimming with film-by-film remembrances of epic battles and epic solutions inside and outside the editing room. While Star Wars will attract the lion’s share of attention to the book, other chapters have no trouble sharing delightfully unfiltered stories. Those include Tom Cruise’s incredible generosity with coconut cake, John Hughes’ habit of suddenly cutting people out of his life, Tim Robbins’ crankiness at having to loop dialogue, Julia Roberts’ epic disgust of co-star Nick Nolte, and Joel Schumacher’s HR-unfriendly blowjob talks on set. But why no Extreme Ops anecdotes, dude?

One activity lost in this internet age: poring over movie ads in the newspaper. As a child, it was about the only way to get a taste of films I wasn’t allowed to see. Throughout middle school, I would cut out ads for movies I saw or desperately wanted to, and posted them on my bedroom bulletin board alongside admission ticket stubs. (Why, yes, I was a hopeless nerd! Why do you ask?) Minus the crushing embarrassment, all those feelings came rushing back while reading Ad Nauseam II: Newsprint Nightmares from the 1990s and 2000s, Michael Gingold’s immediate follow-up to last year’s original Ad Nauseum. Although the years it covers may be less revolutionary for the horror genre, this sequel is superior to the first book based on the “story” it tells. The chronological coverage amounts to an actual narrative arc as the glory years of Voorhees, Krueger, et al., fade to a near-death. Notes Gingold, 1994 saw a mere nine titles for fright films … and then came Scream and Paranormal Activity, and suddenly, horror once again was — and still is — a Very Big Deal. The proof is in the pages, detailing quite a comeback. Meanwhile, sci-fi suffered no such doldrums, in part because the public views it as an Eagle Scout compared to horror’s high school dropout. That hardly makes Ad Astra: 20 Years of Newspaper Ads for Sci-Fi & Fantasy Films less enjoyable. Rather, the all-SF&F companion — released in tandem with Nauseam II by 1984 Publishing — enriches the Gingold experience as a whole; both come highly recommended. Hailing from New York, the author had exposure to more movies than we flyover states got, resulting in some true obscurities: Wired to Kill, War of the Wizards, Freeze Me and more. Page after page, these books bring back the glory days of phone recordings (Call D.A.R.Y.L.!), day-one freebies (Henry II: Portrait of a Serial Killer T-shirts, anyone?) and genuinely great marketing (“Who Is Darkman?”). Now do action, Gingold! —Rod Lott

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Color Out of Space (2019)

H.P. Lovecraft’s short story “The Colour Out of Space” has been filmed several times since its 1927 publication, but none more imaginatively than Richard Stanley’s Color Out of Space. Despite its title being shorn of one vowel and an article of speech, it best captures the cosmic terror of Lovecraft’s classic.

One night, from the stars above the Gardners’ isolated alpaca farm, a meteorite comes crashing into the front yard. The media attention it brings, however limited, is unwanted by family man Nathan (a naturally unrestrained Nicolas Cage), yet a breeze compared to the threats that soon sprout — some quite literally. Infecting the water well — shades of George A. Romero’s The Crazies — the meteorite spreads madness and mayhem, inside and outside the Gardner home, and beyond. To fully align with the movie’s slow-burn cloak of impending dread, viewers are better off not knowing the details of the “how.” Suffice it to say, one late revelation is twisted into such a Cronenbergian knot, it may disturb even the desensitized.

While many will see the meteorite’s invasion as the catalyst for an allegory of American familial dysfunction, it is more interesting to view the object as a representation of cancer — one with fast-spreading reach — as Nathan’s wife (Joely Richardson, Red Sparrow) is herself recovering from the disease as the film opens. That is at least more in line with the ecological bent of Lovecraft’s tale, here embodied by a visiting hydrologist (Elliot Knight, aka TV’s Sinbad) who never changes his Miskatonic University shirt.

That said, you also can enjoy Color Out of Space for its surface-level lysergic trippiness, of which Stanley supplies plenty, making the film a magenta-saturated companion piece to Cage’s Mandy. Returning for his first feature in more than 20 years after his unceremonious firing from 1997’s The Island of Dr. Moreau remake (a whale of a tale told in 2014’s gotta-hear-this Lost Soul documentary) Stanley finally has the opportunity to make good on the enormous promise of his 1990 debut, Hardware. Not only does he not disappoint, but he also finds a way to film the unfilmable aspects of Lovecraft’s story, turning pulp into art. —Rod Lott

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Dolittle (2020)

If man could talk to the animals, what conversations would we have? Personally, I’d like to engage my family’s nearly blind, nearly deaf Shih Tzu, Emmy, in a discussion of the hole she has scratched into the side of her neck. We didn’t notice it until the smell of death wafted from across the living room; upon closer examination, we discovered a nauseating, John F. Kennedy half-dollar-sized crater of flesh and blood and gunk of unspeakable coloring, with a newly burst abscess that screamed infection. Frankly, four rounds of antibiotics later, I’d like to ask her what the hell she was thinking.

To get metaphorical, that damn dog’s neck hole — reeking with an ungodly, unforgivable stench of nostrils-torn-asunder rot — is the Robert Downey Jr. vehicle Dolittle.

Remember how much Eddie Murphy’s cachet suffered by wallowing in family-friendly dreck like 1998’s Dr. Dolittle? Downey must have forgotten, in the process tainting the Iron-clad reputation he worked so hard over the last decade to rebuild. With Murphy now enjoying the crest of career resurgence, and Downey stuck chatting up and trading barbs with stunningly unfunny CGI animals, the two superstars appear to have switched places. Who saw that coming?

Downey’s venereal-looking veterinarian is called out of retirement to retrieve a faraway fruit to save the life of a comatose Queen Victoria (Jessie Buckley, TV’s Chernobyl). Attempting to foil Dolittle at every turn, Boris Badenov-style, is Dr. Müdfly (Michael Sheen, 2016’s Passengers). Aiding Dolittle just as often are anthropomorphic members of his mobile menagerie, voiced by some supremely talented people — including John Cena, Emma Thompson, Kumail Nanjiani, Octavia Spencer, Ralph Fiennes and, immortally, “Rami Malek as Chee-Chee” — all of whom have the blessed fortune to be only heard and not seen, especially since their jokes land as neatly as elephant feces.

Who else to helm this artificially sunny, PG-rated ego project/confection of fauna, folly and fantasy? Almost any director but the one who got the job: Stephen Gaghan, he of the suicide bombers and electrocuted children of the political-corruption drama Syriana. His nonmusical remake of 1967’s Doctor Dolittle emerges as a soulless, artless, witless, “cash, please!” corporate enterprise — one in which no one had the guts to even suggest to Downey that his Jack Sparrow-style accent was not the least bit cute, but thoroughly repellent. In which computer rendering of the sometimes-disproportionate animals appears to have been halted around 65% completion and deemed “good enough.” In which poor Antonio Banderas is reduced to parading around in genie pants.

In the opening-weekend matinee I attended, an audience full of kids — kids, for chrissakes, comedy’s easiest lay! — could not be bothered to laugh, except when a dragon ripped a massive fart in Downey’s face. He deserved it.

Dolittle? Most certainly do not. But if you are forced? Do nap. —Rod Lott

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