All posts by Rod Lott

Cop Killers (1977)

The cop killers of Cop Killers number exactly two: Ray and Alex, respectively played by Flesh Gordon himself, Jason Williams, reunited with his producer, Bill Osco. With this pair, coke is it! In fact, the film opens with them closing a $100,000 drug deal when the po-po show up to preempt their celebration. Four dead cops later (hence the title), Ray (the one with the ’stache) and Alex (the one with sideburns the shape of lamb chops) decide to Thelma & Louise their way toward the border of Mexico.

From there, Walter Cichy’s lone directorial effort plays episodic in execution, with the on-the-lam men driving from one situation to another, leaving multiple felonies and misdemeanors in their path. That includes tormenting an effeminate ice cream truck driver (James Nite, in a jaw-dropping performance of ineptitude), forcing a kidnapped blonde (Diane Keller) to read aloud from a trashy paperback novel and making a bloody mess of a convenience store, before finally reaching a hippie den to make a couple of transactions — only one in the financial sense.

Befitting of grindhouse fare, every frame of the independently produced Cop Killers is coated in grit and grime, in part due to its unwashed, grease-caked stars. If it feels like a Bonnie and Clyde riff made by porn producers, that’s because it is. Williams’ inexperience may have worked for the spoofery of Flesh Gordon, but he’s in over his head here; that said, he acts Osco off the screen. The performance most likely to leave your mouth agape can be witnessed — and oh, how it must be — at the hippie den, when a gourd-stoned plaything named Becky (Judy Ross) gives Pespi what would go unchallenged as the company’s most awkward pop-culture moment until 1983, when Michael Jackson’s non-flame-retardant hair knocked it off its perch.

For all of Cop Killers’ rough edges, I found the first half quite enjoyable because the damn thing kept moving forward — not propulsively so, but enough to keep boredom at bay. Then the action pauses for Alex to give their comely captive a step-by-step tutorial on snorting cocaine, and it never recovers, progressively becoming more downbeat. The ending is a foregone conclusion, but gives future multiple Oscar winner Rick Baker (An American Werewolf in London) an early chance to develop his makeup-effects muscles. —Rod Lott

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3 Dev Adam (1973)

Forty-three years before Captain America and Spider-Man stood on opposing sides in Captain America: Civil War, they did so in 3 Dev Adam (aka Three Giant Men). The former is a billion-dollar blockbuster with enough star power to fuel a thousand suns. The latter is from Turkey. Yet only one opens with Spidey motorboating a woman.

And I don’t mean in the sense of sexual slang, but pushing a motorboat’s whirring engine smack into the face of a distressed damsel buried neck-deep in sand. This Turkish Spider-Man (Tevfik Sen, Yor, the Hunter from the Future) is a real asshole. Captain America (Aytekin Akkaya, another Yor vet) is the good guy.

That’s not the only edge 3 Dev Adam has over the mighty Marvel movie. Far from it. Does Civil War — or any Avengers film — give you:
• Cap joining forces with masked Mexican wrestler Santo (Yavuz Selekman, Tarzan the Mighty Man)?
• Spidey involved in a counterfeit currency scheme?
• Spidey behind the theft of historical artifacts?
• a fashion-show fracas on a yacht?
• Santo pulling guard duty at a post office box?
• a newsboy crying out, “Latest news! Rich woman killed in her bathroom!”?
• Spidey letting hungry mice gnaw on a captive’s face?
• superhero costumes made by a third grader’s stay-at-home mom?
• a frickin’ strip show???

I think not! Keep your Paul Bettany and Elizabeth Olsen. I’ll take Deniz Erkanat and Dogan Tamer. —Rod Lott

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Hi-Death (2018)

Whereas the Hi-8: Horror Independent Eight shot-on-video anthology was a mixed bag, its sequel, Hi-Death, is start-to-finish consistent. Unfortunately, that means it’s awash in tedium. Among its five directors, most of them giants in the SOV world, not even the otherwise reliable Tim Ritter (Killing Spree) is able to satisfy.

Part of the problem is Hi-8’s story count has been reduced from seven to five, yet Hi-Death runs a few minutes longer. This time, the wraparound follows two L.A. tourists (Kristen Adams and Kate Durocher) as they spontaneously embark on a “Terror Tour” of Hollywood. They’re led to the next landmark after watching a video, so naturally, what they see, we see — only without the reward.

In “Death Has a Conscience,” from Sodomaniac’s Anthony Catanese, a junkie (Jensen Jacobs, Miss December) rides out her heroin high at a fleabag motel, and acquires a few, um, very temporary roommates. Amanda Payton’s “Night Drop” shows what happens to a video store’s new employee (Christopher Preyer, Clownado) on his first night closing up shop. True to its retro setting, tried-and-true jump scares are involved.

The aforementioned Ritter’s “Dealers of Death” concerns a serial killer known as the Switchblade Bandit (Todd Martin, Earth Girls Are Sleazy), who gets off collecting other serial killers’ memorabilia. While the Bandit’s dialogue elicits a few laughs, the segment suffers greatly from the same problem as the remaining four: being painfully overlong. No piece has enough story to fill its allotted time — perhaps unavoidable with fewer stories this go-round — so scenes either are drawn out or run in circles.

The final two tales are the worst offenders; incidentally, both are about tortured artists. The whatta-named Fabiana Formica (Cemetery Man) delivers a fine performance as an auditioning actress up against a bullying director (Jay Sosnicki, Dolly Deadly) in “Cold Read,” from Camp Blood series impresario Brad Sykes. Finally, Zombie Bloodbath trilogy creator Todd Sheets turns in “The Muse,” about a crazed painter (Nick Randol, Dreaming Purple Neon) struggling to work with quite a unique patron.

The passion each filmmaker (videographer?) holds for horror shines big and bright — perhaps too much, since the overall emphasis seems to be on effects than effectiveness. On that note of practicality, they succeed in demonstrating remarkable ingenuity under an edict that bans CGI and green screens. I only wish the results were more fun. —Rod Lott

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The Beast in the Cellar (1971)

From a village in Lancashire, the elderly Ballantyne sisters stick to the traditions they know best: tea time, neighborhood gossip, monster hoarding — you know, that sort of thing. When soldiers at a nearby base begin dying “vicious, brutal” deaths, forthright Joyce (Flora Robson, The Shuttered Room) and batty Ellie (Beryl Reid, Psychomania) start to wonder and worry that perhaps their, um, “housemate” is to blame.

After all, as the title has it, they have The Beast in the Cellar.

There’s not much to this Tigon production from James Kelley, writer and director of the pervo thriller What the Peeper Saw. Much of it takes place in the Ballantyne household, which wouldn’t necessarily be a negative if more happened besides talking. Conversations more mundane than macabre fill the film to its brim, even after a fall confines Joyce to bed — and sedatives — for an extended period.

The scenes of slaughter are brief and bloody, yet shot with whiplash-inducing camera movement to retain a semblance of mystery, although viewers can read Cellar’s cards before it dares show them. When it does, the reveal is even more abrupt than it is underwhelming, especially preceded by a good 10 minutes of Ellie’s exposition dump, which not even Reid’s wonderful performance can save. After that kind of buildup, you deserve better. —Rod Lott

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The Naked Beast (1971)

At the Starlite Theater’s current production — one with guillotines and pie-throwing — cast changes abound. That’s because two showgirls have been murdered in bed in the middle of the night. The culprit could be anyone, from the show’s star crooner, “top sensation” Rolo Borel (singer Rolo Puente), to its diabetic janitor, Quasimodo (Norberto Aroldi).

Investigating is Inspector Hector Ibáñez (Aldo Barbero, The Curious Dr. Humpp), the only way he knows how: by putting his girlfriend, Sofia (Gloria Prat, Blood of the Virgins), in mortal danger by having her go undercover as a dancer in the show. Love you, honey!

The beast of The Naked Beast is actually fully clothed — and in vampire regalia, complete with a mask that looks like a big scab. The showgirls are often starkers, however, which may be the main reason to give this film from Emilio Vieyra (Stay Tuned for Terror) your attention. The mystery is slight and easy to solve; the horror elements, even slighter. Still, at 84 minutes, it’s nigh impossible to wish ill. —Rod Lott

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