Wanna see an oddball anthology of holiday horror filled with twists and bursting with creativity? Then you better watch out and queue up A Christmas Horror Story instead, because All the Creatures Were Stirring is frustratingly average. Making that all the more disappointing is how roaringly strong the start is. Set in a dreary-looking office at a depressing-looking office Christmas party, the first story offers a Belko Experiment-esque twist on the dreaded game of Dirty Santa, but with booby-trapped presents that play for keeps. Why haven’t any of the Saw sequels thought of this?
Unfortunately, the fire dies down from there, worsening with each passing, welcome-worn segment, from reindeer death games and demonic recruiting to yet another tired take on Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, this one centered around a character so insufferable (played by Jonathan Kite of TV’s 2 Broke Girls) that the bit is off-putting. The movie goes sci-fi in its conclusion with a UFO encounter notable only for featuring the name value of Hustlers’ Constance Wu. Elsewhere, you’ll find more amiable talents strewn about, including Jocelin Donahue (The House of the Devil), Chase Williamson (John Dies at the End), Brea Grant (Beyond the Gates) and Joe Dante regular Archie Hahn (Amazon Women on the Moon).
All five tales come wrapped in the guise of an experimental theater production on Christmas Eve, as witnessed by two people on a date. There’s a couple behind All the Creatures Were Stirring, too: shorts-helming spouses Rebekah and David Ian McKendry, making their full-length feature as writers and directors. You can’t regift what they got you. —Rod Lott