I’m only against the idea of remakes when the new version emerges from the oven as a charred chunk. That is the fate of 2007’s Michael Bay-produced The Hitcher, whether compared to the 1986 original or standing on its own. Lead Sophia Bush (John Tucker Must Die) says as much when she informs the authorities during a chase, “This is bad. … Listen, we’re really not too good, okay?”
She’s being much too kind.
Shortly after urinating at Grandy’s (now that’s product placement!), Bush’s college student Grace hits the road in a un-air-conditioned car with her shaggy-haired beau, Jim (Cherry Falls’ Zachary Knighton, no C. Thomas Howell), to meet her parents. When night falls, accompanied by a downpour, they nearly run over a hitchhiker (Sean Bean, Black Death) standing still in the middle of the rural highway. Odd behavior, right?
So odd that they neglect to give him a lift … until he catches up with them at a gas station later, and then they agree to let him ride shotgun … whereupon he pulls a knife. Says Jim, in what should be rhetorical given the events of the preceding paragraph, yet isn’t, “How was I supposed to know he was a sick-fuck lunatic?” Don’t answer; kids today never learn.
Foolish director Dave Meyers sure did; he got behind the wheel of this next-gen Hitcher after helming music videos for the likes of Britney Spears, The Offspring, OutKast, Missy Elliott, Jennifer Lopez and Creed, and those roots show — none more apparent than the aforementioned, intended-to-be-intense chase sequence, which unfortunately is scored to Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer.” The whole movie is one chase after another in some form or fashion, feeling like a washing machine stuck on the final rinse cycle. Will it ever stop? Will this ever end? Won’t someone please get ripped apart by two trucks? —Rod Lott