Recipe for a Long Weekend? Easy!
• Ingredients: one bickering married couple.
• Place in: car for road trip to Australian beach.
• Add: some really pissed-off wildlife.
• Serves: ’em right!
In this well-regarded, man-vs.-nature chunk of Ozploitation, Peter (John Hargreaves, Sky Pirates) and Marcia (Briony Behets, 1980’s Nightmares) attempt to repair the shambles of their shit-can marriage by going on a holiday — that’s “vacation,” Yanks — of smokin’, swimmin’, sunnin’, shootin’ and maybe — just maybe — sexin’! You know it’s not going to go well because they barely can stand each other’s presence, run over a kangaroo, trespass on private property, throw trash in the ocean, chop down trees for the hell of it and bring his-and-her Adidas jackets.
Halfway through, an eagle attacks — not without damn good reason — and Long Weekend becomes an Aussie version of William Girdler’s Day of the Animals, but with even more of an ecological message (i.e. “humans are assholes”) — so much so that Rachel Carson might see the film as a screwball comedy.
A hint of the supernatural is at work here, and honestly, director Colin Eggleston (Cassandra) should have employed much more of that and much less of the spouse’s verbal firebombs (“self-indulgent maggot”). Peter’s a jerk; Marcia’s a jerk; and their dog, Cricket, is the only likable character. You may even root for the canine to turn against his masters.
Why not, Cricket? Every other member of the animal kingdom does. That very conceit is what sells viewers on embarking on a Long Weekend, yet the film doesn’t use it enough. Eggleston seems more interested in hammering home an obvious point by cutting away to ants swarming over bacon in increasing stages of decomposition. As Marcia herself bursts, “Spare me the grotty symbolism!”
Aside: Did Everett De Roche write every horror-thriller pic that made its way from Down Under to the United States? Besides this, he penned Patrick, Road Games and Razorback … —Rod Lott