By all measurable standards, I should wholly love Priest. Take the plot of The Searchers, add a generous portion of cinematic/literary dystopia (equal parts Judge Dredd, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Equilibrium and whatever else you have on hand), throw in some classic Western tropes, blend with actors I admire, top off with monsters and neat visuals, and stir.
And voila! Half-baked mash. I don’t expect greatness, but shouldn’t there be at least a soupçon of pulpy fun watching futuristic holy warriors kick vampire ass? Why is this so limp?
Hard to fault the actors. Paul Bettany (Legion) as “the priest with no name” is terrific (he should play bad-ass far more often). Karl Urban’s human/vampire villain has no real logic, but the Star Trek reboot star is a pro. Cam Gigandet (Pandorum) is a vacuum, but doesn’t have to carry much weight. Brad Dourif, Maggie Q, Mädchen Amick and Christopher Plummer, meanwhile, do what they can with nothing.
It’s all down to script and direction — hey, who’d’ve thunk? The screenplay is all high-concept and soggy-toast dialogue; any true grit has been PG-13’d down to nothing. The vampires don’t make sense; they’re considered intelligent (they’ve been confined to reservations, kind of an obvious analogy), yet here they’re unthinking, feral CGI beasts. It’s a mystery why anyone would want to become one (many do try); it’d be like yearning to be one of the bugs from Starship Troopers.
The direction by Scott Stewart (retiming with Bettany after 2010’s Legion) is all visual flair with no sense of pacing. Priest looks great, but even at 80 minutes (taking out the seven minutes of credits), it drags. When an animated opening is the only section to create any real tension, you’ve got a problem.
Note to Hollywood: I’d like to formally suggest Urban play the gunslinger should Stephen King’s Dark Tower series ever see film; snarling from beneath a flat-brimmed hat, clad in boots and black duster, Urban is Roland to a T. —Corey Redekop