Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

When it first came out, the dark, beauty-pageant mockumentary Drop Dead Gorgeous was largely dismissed as a fitfully amusing comedy that lacked the improvisatory spontaneity that made the Christopher Guest films that inspired it so unique and special. Today, the film remains rough in some spots, but deserves to be re-evaluated as the rare social satire that has managed to become even more culturally relevant.

A large part of this is due to Kirstie Alley’s performance as a local Minnesotan pageant director/former beauty queen, who is only too happy to resort to murder to get her daughter into the state finals of the Miss Sarah Rose Cosmetics Pageant. Back in 1999, it seemed like Alley was channeling the dark side of Fargo’s Marge Gunderson (if only because of her accent), but now, it’s impossible to watch and not immediately be reminded of that inexplicable conservative icon Sarah Palin.

This uncanny coincidence causes the film’s many jabs at conservative “family values” to take on a newfound and occasionally disturbing piquancy. What may have once seemed overly broad now seems unfortunately believable in an age where conservative leaders such as Palin seriously decry the practice of advocating vegetables over junk food to school kids as a form of socialist liberal propaganda.

It also helps that the film features wonderful early performances from several young actresses who have since gone on to become an Oscar nominee (a nearly unrecognizable Amy Adams, playing a blonde cheerleading sexpot), a blockbuster star (Kirsten Dunst in full-on adorable-saint mode), a tabloid/reality-show train wreck (Denise Richards, whose natural, on-camera vacancy is, for once, used to great comic effect) and a corpse (a sadly underused Brittany Murphy, who has the film’s best throwaway line when she cheerfully admits her parents only had her because her brother needed a kidney).

While still not up to the comedic levels of Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman or A Mighty Wind, Drop Dead Gorgeous deserves to be revisited if only to appreciate how much can change and stay the same in the span of a decade. —Allan Mott

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The Rundown (2003)

Coming not-so-fresh off The Scorpion King, wrestler-turned-actor The Rock (not yet billed as Dwayne Johnson) fully earned his action-hero credentials in the enjoyable comedic adventure romp The Rundown.

He plays a “retrieval expert,” which mostly means he collects gambling debts, by force if he has to, although he hates guns. Eager to get out of the biz, he’s cajoled into the requisite One Last Job: plucking the boss’ snot-nosed son (American Pie’s Seann William Scott) out of Brazil and bringing him back home to L.A. Scott, however, doesn’t want to go, seeing as how he’s stumbled on to a treasure he’s hidden in the jungle – a treasure also wanted by a group of rebels led by barmaid Rosario Dawson, as well as the poor city’s devious slave ring owner Christopher Walken, (who is, no shock, 100 percent pure Walken).

So The Rock and Scott get to bicker and spar like The Defiant Ones, forging a bond only out of necessity to stay alive. They find themselves in the middle of a machine-gun riot, at the mercy of hallucinogenic fruit and having their faces humped by crazed monkeys. Their greatest adversary proves to be Ernie Reyes Jr. (the Surf Ninjas star all grown up), who unleashes his “spinning Tarzan jujitsu” on The Rock, in not only the film’s best fight scene, but best scene, period.

I’m not so much surprised by how pleasurable The Rundown is to watch than I am how charismatic The Rock is on screen. He’s a natural, a logical heir to the throne of Arnold Schwarzenegger (who cameos early in the film to pass the torch, so to speak) and can dispense lines like “You’re threatening me? You’re threatening me with pee?” with note-perfect delivery. —Rod Lott

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Jigoku (1960)

At a time before the word “horror” even had a translated equivalent in Japan, writer/director Nobuo Nakagawa gave the country something to be all shook up about: a cinematic trip to Hell, and one full of gore of that! Jigoku is a real freaker-outer, starting with credits that suggest an Asian 007 adventure, but only if the guy in the audio booth tripped and fell on every SFX button at once. Your ears will hate it.

But your eyes will love it! College student Shirô (Shigeru Amachi, The Tale of Zatoichi) is having a bad run, starting when a drunk yakuza fatally stumbles into path of the car in which Shirô is a passenger. Then his fiancée dies in a wreck, so he drowns his sorrows in the bodily fluids of prostitutes. Then his mom falls critically ill. Then he becomes partly responsible for the deaths of several more people.

Finally, with a little more than half an hour to spare in the running time, he goes to Hell. Worse, Buddhists believe in a Hell comprised of eight Hells, so buckle up! Upon arrival, he gets his throat pierced, has to view a Your Life’s Greatest Fuck-Ups reel and learns just how hot flames of eternity can be. Shirô gets the 25-cent tour and sees the newly dead being flayed, boiled and spiked for punishment — different strokes for different folks, all rather graphically depicted with lots of red acrylic paint.

Weird and wild, Jigoku does drag in the middle, kinda like life itself. But its Hell sequence — if one could call a third of a film a “sequence” — is quite something to see, from both a visual and a historical standpoint. I would’ve loved to witness how it went over with audiences upon release. However, if you want to see some really crazy Asian shit without the heavy-handed morality tale but with all of the “Huh?,” 1977’s Hausu is your best bet. —Rod Lott

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Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

Thanks to the talents of the filmmakers involved (especially screenwriter Nicholas Meyer, who would go on to make both Time After Time and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan) Invasion of the Bee Girls is a far better movie than any movie called Invasion of the Bee Girls has any right to be.

So much so that there’s a tendency among critics to describe it as a satire in order to justify the fact that they’re recommending a movie called Invasion of the Bee Girls, when the reality is the film mostly plays its exploitative concept completely straight, with few overt attempts at social commentary.

While I admit it is easy to interpret a film in which a group of sexually alluring women are compelled to engage in a mating ritual that causes their male partners to suffer fatal heart attacks as a sly commentary on the then-growing women’s liberation movement, it actually takes quite a bit of mental trickery to justify that interpretation based solely on the movie’s content. Tonally, Bee Girls never feels tongue-in-cheek, and if it were supposed to, then the attempted rape scene in its middle is more than simply gratuitous, but completely inappropriate as well.

The reality is that Invasion of the Bee Girls is simply a very well-executed version of a kind of film that traditionally sucks, which makes it less a commentary on its own subgenre than the standard by which that subgenre should be judged. Plus, it has tons of nudity. —Allan Mott

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Quarantine 2: Terminal (2011)

Quarantine 2: Terminal is among that rarest breed of direct-to-video sequels: those not only actually good, but better than the original. Whereas 2008’s Quarantine was a faithful remake of 2007’s Spanish horror hit [REC], Quarantine 2 takes off on its own course, while [REC] 2 revisits the exact same territory by staying in the apartment building whose residents have been zombified.

A good chunk of Quarantine 2, however, takes place on a commercial airliner, where one of the passengers has brought infected lab rats from said apartment building as his carry-on. Another passenger gets his finger nipped trying to help fit the damn thing in the overhead compartment, and before long, he’s puking violently and going berserk, headed straight for the cockpit.

One emergency landing later, the remaining passengers and crew disembark into a terminal that’s sealed off from the airport. They’re flat-out stuck, which wouldn’t necessarily be bad if the infected weren’t hiding in the shadows, either. The behind-the-scenes luggage area gives newbie director (and Rollerball remake screenwriter, but we won’t hold that against him now) John Pogue lots of opportunity to turn his set labyrinthian, at which he excels.

As the lead flight attendant, Mercedes Masöhn (Red Sands) is your sub for Jennifer Carpenter, and thank God for that. You won’t miss Carpenter, nor the camcorder concept. Pogue still keeps things claustrophobic without having to resort to that no-longer-novel technique. Quarantine 2 isn’t perfect — some performances could be better — but it’s effective, and more so than its big brother. —Rod Lott

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