In this life, there are many things that heroes shed but, apparently, tears are not one of them. At least that is the thesis statement behind John Woo’s 1986 testes-dropper, Heroes Shed No Tears, starring Eddy Ko (PTU) as the non-crying hero.

Actually, I feel like I should walk that back a few steps: Ko, as Chinese mercenary Chan, does cry a time or two but, to be fair, it is because for a few moments he believes the evil Thai colonel has set his small child on fire. I think that, if you were not to cry at something like that, you’re probably more of a sociopath than an actual hero, but I guess that’s just me.

Anyway, Chan is the leader of a group of Chinese commandos out to capture Gen. Samton, who’s running the drug trade in the Golden Triangle. Even though the capture is primarily a success, crossing the mountain range and getting to their contact into Vietnam is quite the bitch, especially with Chan’s kid and his aunt, a French reporter and a couple of soldiers with a hilarious gambling problem in tow.

With one violently cool set piece after another — how the evil Thai colonel loses his eye is worth the price of admission unless, you know, you’re an evil Thai colonel — this flick isn’t a predictor of future Woo flicks like The Killer or Hard Boiled, but instead absolute bloody proof that his ballistic ballets had been a staple of Hong Kong cinema for a while; it just took the rest of us world-cinema jerks to catch up to him.

Arguably one of the best action films in a decade that had nothing but, Heroes Shed No Tears is the overseas grindhouse version of the Rambo movies, with plenty of fighting for the guys, romance for the gals, and hardcore scenes of gambling addiction for the drunk uncles in the audience. —Louis Fowler

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Clint Eastwood’s iconic character of Dirty Harry inspired many a trigger-happy cop who plays by his own rules, but in Italy, he invented practically a whole new genre, with a prime shaker in their police film movement being Filthy Leo Tanzi (Maurizio Merli, Magnum Cop); in The Tough Ones, he delivers homily after homily about how the criminals rule the streets, all the while chasing down a sadistic hunchback (Tomas Milian, Don’t Torture a Duckling) who craps bullets. Literally.

Punching, kicking and most definitely shooting every punk and purse snatcher from here to the Coliseum, Roman detective Tanzi is an unlikable brute in a surprisingly stylish sports coat, the type of guy who’s got no problem browbeating his psychiatrist girlfriend, loudly, in a restaurant. As he works his way through the pristine Italian underworld, it keeps leading him back to the utterly disturbing villain who totes a smile and a machine gun like a Punisher baddie, probably from the Garth Ennis era.

Even when Tanzi’s boss demotes him to the permits department, he still finds the time to help track down a gang of rapists, preferably by slamming their heads right through a pinball machine. Much like the aforementioned Harry, to see an antihero cop take matters into his own fist, especially in the sleaze and grime of the sports car-driving, marinara-covered underbelly, it remains a cool enough ride of coveted two-fisted violence some 40 or so years later.

Also known as Rome Armed to the Teeth, Brutal Justice and Assault with a Deadly Weapon (from Sybil Danning’s Adventure Video line, which I remember fondly), famed director Umberto Lenzi directs with all the subtly of a hunchback spraying the crowd with gunfire, laughing manically as the spaghetti-sauce splashes across the screen, all to a funky Franco Micalizzi score, which, remarkably, is included here on compact disc in the gorgeous Grindhouse Releasing package.

An entertainingly blood-spewing example of the legendary poliziotteschi film series of the 70s, The Tough Ones may not be as trashily seminal as Lenzi’s Eaten Alive!, Cannibal Ferox or even Nightmare City, it is still nominally far dirtier than any American cop flick from the same era. So go ahead, make his … well, I’m sure you know the rest. —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.