Impractical Jokers: The Movie (2020)

If you’ve ever been in a hospital — multiple times for me — you probably know there’s really nothing to do except watch the most basic of cable television for hours on end. But, it was there I discovered truTV and its nearly constant airings of the reality show Impractical Jokers, starring Long Island comedy team the Tenderloins.

With a premise of four friends who compete in various challenges to embarrass and humiliate each other, every laugh, guffaw and chortle was always one step closer to busting my surgery stitches, but it was always a hilarious way to pass the body-aching time.

In Impractical Jokers: The Movie, their film debut, the four jokers — Murr, Q, Joe and Sal — mix a mostly fictional story in between their nonfictional stunts, as the guys try to make their way to Miami to see a Paula Abdul show. I guess she fit perfectly in the truTV budget.

And while that part of the flick is somewhat weak, opposites attract, because the pranks are some of the funniest since Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa, including a birthday party at a strip club where Murr’s entire family — including some children — shows up while he’s in the middle of a lapdance. It’s a disturbingly hilarious bit that hurts my gut just writing about.

Still, at an hour and a half, Impractical Jokers: The Movie eventually wears out its welcome with overkill, while any TV episode’s 22-minute running time is enough to keep you binge-watching. Regardless, this flick came out at the worst time possible — COVID, y’all! — with most people missing it during its short theatrical run.

So, I guess the joke’s on them? —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.

Abrakadabra (2018)

Thirty years ago, Lorenzo Mancini’s magician father was killed onstage during a bullet stunt gone awry. Today, now a magician himself, Mancini (German Baudino, 2009’s Lucky Luke) returns to that very stage with his new show. However, the night before his debut, a woman is found murdered — her head poked into a box pierced by several swords; later, another is decapitated by a guillotine. In the authorities’ eyes, these and other acts of malicious magic implicate Mancini, the self-proclaimed “Master Mind of Mental Mystery.”

Abrakadabra marks the third Italian-language feature for Luciano and Nicolás Onetti, the Argentinian brothers who clearly love the giallo. As with 2013’s Sonno Profondo and 2015’s Francesca, they again aim not for a mere homage, but total authenticity; thus, Abrakadabra has been crafted as if it came from the early 1980s. While the illusion is about 85% there, the checklist of tropes ticks to nearly 100%: disorienting angles, colors oversaturated to an unrealistic hue, ugly furnishings, creepy puppets and propulsive musical cues that sting of novocaine.

The Onettis’ adherence to appearance is impressive enough; that they can this story with a minimal amount of dialogue, even more so. A few seconds shy of 70 minutes, the film is cut mighty lean — perhaps out of necessity, since the identity of the killer is startlingly obvious.

Well, kinda. The ending is coated too thickly with ambiguity to offer full closure. Still, neat trick. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Street Survivors: The True Story of the Lynyrd Skynyrd Plane Crash (2020)

WTFWhen most popular musicians face a major death in their band, many times it’s best if they just break up and go their separate ways, especially when the leader of the group has just had every bone crushed in an airplane disaster, like, for example, Ronnie Van Zant of Lynyrd Skynyrd.

That rock ’n’ roll fuck-up of Oct. 20, 1977, is finally portrayed in the nail-biting Street Survivors: The True Story of the Lynyrd Skynyrd Plane Crash. The incident killed lead singer Van Zant and a few others, and the movie is told through the eyes of drummer Artimus Pyle and his well-worn vegetarian T-shirt.

A replacement drummer who’s thrown into Skynyrd’s lifestyle of booze and broads on the road, Pyle (Ian Shultis) is the band’s moral conscience, often telling wasted bandmates they need to “slow it down.” It doesn’t help, because soon enough, their ramshackle plane is out of gas and going down over a Louisiana swamp.

But that’s just the beginning of Pyle’s problems, because after single-handedly rescuing all the survivors of the wreck and then running some 20 miles through the marshlands, he has a near fistfight with a deadly snake and is subsequently shot for trespassing on some dude’s land.

If it sounds like Pyle is the hero of the story, it’s because he is; interspersed throughout the movie is an interview with the real-life Pyle, giving himself well-earned props for being the man who saved (most of) Skynyrd, although with plenty of tortured screaming at God along the way.

The band should have broken up for good after this accident, but, of course, embarrassingly kept going on down that road, forgoing any possible legendary status for the ticket sales of state fair shows. Regardless, you can still hear “Free Bird” on the radio 10 or so times a day. Can your band say that? —Louis Fowler

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The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh (1971)

None other than Sigmund Freud kicks off The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh via a quote that seems to chastise the audience for its bloodlust — a potentially hypocrtical move for a giallo, if shame were the intended response. Regardless, no record exists of Freud’s thoughts on Edwige Fenech (The Case of the Bloody Iris), but I’d like to think he would have altered his famous line about the cigar.

In the title role, Fenech’s Julie and her tapioca husband (Alberto de Mendoza, A Lizard in Woman’s Skin) return home to Austria from time abroad. No sooner do they step foot in Vienna than the bra-neglecting Julie has an unpleasant encounter with a shit-grinning ex (Ivan Rassimov, The Eerie Midnight Horror Show), followed by a pleasant meet-cute with her pal’s handsome cousin (George Hilton, My Dear Killer). A full-blown affair ensues.

All the while, this being a giallo, beautiful women are killed all over the city by a man whose black-gloved hands clutch — what else? — a sharp, shiny straight razor. Julie becomes his next intended victim, so suspicion falls on each of these three men in her mixed-up, sexed-up life.

And it is just that, whether Julie dreams of having intercourse atop broken glass (if only in dreams) or attending parties in which the female guests rip one another’s paper dresses off. Such swinging shenanigans and their settings contribute to the overall hallucinatory effect of the visuals, as intoxicating as Fenech’s beauty is flawless. This being the first giallo for Sergio Martino (Torso), it’s rather remarkable how right he got it, right out of the gate. Suspense is high, notably in a near-silent sequence of searching by candlelight, and audiences are left guessing and second-guessing, right up to the denouement. By then, The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh has done more than enough work to earn its reputation. —Rod Lott

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Relic (2020)

Grandma’s gone missing. She lives alone, and the neighbors report not having seen her in days. So her granddaughter (Bella Heathcote, The Neon Demon) and daughter (Emily Mortimer, Shutter Island) make the drive to her home, find it empty and wait. Because all they can do is wait.

When the elderly woman (Robyn Nevin of the Matrix sequels) finally does return, she’s safe, but definitely not sound. In fact, she’s not like herself at all. She’s … different.

One wishes Relic were as well, especially since all three actresses are superb. In her first feature as director, Natalie Erika James demonstrates an assured eye for composition, but I’m afraid the slow-burn story, which she co-wrote with Christian White, is a little too fatigued for suspense to build.

As much as I like the metaphorical use of the matriarch’s moldy and decaying house to parallel her dementia-ravaged brain, the obvious isn’t left alone, so viewers are hammered over the head with it to ensure we get it. We do. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

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