It’d be tough to follow up Joe Dante and Allan Arkush’s Hollywood Boulevard, a self-deprecating paean to the Roger Corman filmmaking machine coming from inside the house. So Hollywood Boulevard II doesn’t try. It kinda just shows up, stands in the corner and shuffles its feet ’til it’s time to go home.

Directed by Steve Barnett (Scanner Cop II), the in-name-only sequel that’s actually a remake leverages the combined star power of Ginger Lynn Allen, Eddie Deezen, Robert Patrick and Morgan Freeman … ’s name on a Lean on Me marquee to once again spoof low-budget filmmaking.

In particular, its soft target is the bread-and-butter junk genres that carried Corman straight to the bank’s deposits-only line throughout the ’80s: your jungle war epics, sword-and-sandal-and-sex adventures and marked-down space sagas. The latter appears right away, flaunting four breasts in the first minute as part of a Star Trek parody aboard a spaceship shaped like a uterus and fallopian tubes.

As aspiring actress Candy Chandler, Allen gets her big break when a stuffed-animal bomb explodes, taking Miracle Pictures’ reigning starlet off the cast list, forever. And that’s hardly the last of the “accidents.” Taking a page from Traci Lords going legit via Corman with the 1988 makeover of Not of This Earth, Hollywood Boulevard II represents Allen’s own sprint for mainstream stardom after nearly a decade of hardcore porn (Beverly Hills Cox, Poonies and Supergirls Do General Hospital). She doesn’t embarrass herself, but Candace Rialson she is not.

Three first-time screenwriters follow Dante and Arkush’s template, including judicious use of B-roll from other Corman flicks, but not jokes that land. This second stroll down the Boulevard simply isn’t funny. I found one exception in a romantic ballad. Playing over Candy making sweet, sweet love amid rear-projected footage, its mocking lyrics include “Two hands / Two breasts / C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t know the rest” and “There’s passion in the air tonight / I know, I know, I know cuz I can smell it.” Hardly enough to take a whiff. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

It’s difficult to discuss what a movie like Vulcanizadora is about without ruining it for everyone else. So let’s not spoil things! I’ll keep this brief.

Marty (Joshua Burge, 2015’s The Revenant) is a perennial sad sack. His friend, Derek, is a motormouth with a chunk of hair that looks like it leapt from his cranium, clung to his chin and died. The salt to Marty’s vinegar, Derek is played by the film’s writer, director and editor, Joel Potrykus.

Armed with cheap fireworks and a canteen of Jägermeister, they’re taking their first steps on a camping trip like no other, deep into a Michigan forest. Thus begins a slackerpalooza of junk food, spank mags, candle lighters, petty arguments and the stark reality they were ill-prepared for adulthood, so they’ve essentially stayed children.

Their mission? Yes, they actually have one, but this secret sequel to Potrykus’ Buzzard is not about to spoon-feed you those details until it’s damn well ready. And once it is, you won’t be.

Vulcanizadora (Spanish for “tire repair shop,” which figures into the stealth plot) arrives more twisted than a box of garlic knots from the corner store freezer. A two-hander for a majority of its running time, this M-80 of an indie revels in comedy as black as it is bleak. I can’t help but admire what Potrykus achieves in this daring high-wire act. Love it or loathe it, no one is likely to shake its memory. —Rod Lott

Opens in theaters Friday, May 2.

A movie like Rock ’n’ Roll High School — one of my favorites and with an awesome Ramones soundtrack — should have a riff-blowing sequel. Should have.

See, when I noticed Rock ’n’ Roll School High Forever at my video store in the early ’90s, I was quite ecstatic and, of course, I rented it. And watched it.

And became visibly sick.

My preconceived notions rubbed out like a GPC cigarette on the wet pavement, I took the tape from the VCR — being neither kind nor rewinding, natch — and dumped it back into the shop’s return box, thoroughly disgusted at what I’d seen.

Thirty-plus years later, the sequel is one of the bonus features on the original film’s 45th anniversary edition in 4K Ultra HD (my 10th time to buy the movie). I popped in the disc and, like a fetid stream of A/V puke, once again dropped out of Rock ’n’ Roll School High Forever.

It starts out somewhat promising, with the re-named Ronald Reagan High School and various teenagers plotting a PG-13 rock ’n’ roll insurrection. But as once-popular star Corey Feldman turns directly to the camera and sneers, “Are you ready to rock and roll?,” I guess we’re not ready at all.

Instead, in his standard and strange Michael Jackson mimicry, Corey overflows the school toilets and tears off the skirt of a comely student, all as the title theme by The Pursuit of Happiness (whoever they are) warbles on the soundtrack. Ha-ha?

The plot, as it stands, is about Corey and his “band,” The Eradicators, trying to play their substandard covers of Little Richard’s “Tutti Frutti” and Fats Domino’s “I’m Walkin’” at the school dance. Meanwhile, the school gets a new vice principal in Miss Togar Dr. Vadar, reprised (?) by Mary Woronov. To be sure, she rules with an iron fist — and a robotic hand on her left.

With needless help from the apparent heir of illustrious scrounger Eaglebauer (no relation to Clint Howard) and the Spirit of Rock ’n’ Roll (Mojo Nixon in a low-budget fantasy sequence), Corey and bad company crash the prom. Utilizing dated sequences from the first movie, they take Togar Vadar down and burn down the school.

By the time the credits roll, it’s apparent that rock, finally, is dead.

With the combined failed efforts of director Deborah Brock (Slumber Party Massacre II), whichever distribution outfit Roger Corman had at the time and the sheer ugliness straight-to-video movies at the time were going for, Forever remains was an unmitigated disasterpiece. With Feldman on the soundtrack, the deceased Ramones are defiantly spinning in their graves. Gabba gabba nay. —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.

As punishment for a graffiti-related arrest, community college slacker Raphael is sent to live with his drug-dealing cousin. And an overzealous cop demands Raphael provide intel on his cuz, believed to be stashing and selling plutonium warheads. 

Meanwhile, around Fresno, Texas, the FBI investigates a string of disembodied hands turning up. That these federal agents — and everyone else in Rats! — mispronounce the mitts as “haunds” with no explanation should clue you in to the movie’s peculiar wavelength. 

And if it doesn’t, sit tight for a toilet POV shot you won’t soon forget. That’ll do it. 

The debut feature for co-directors/co-writers Carl Fry and Maxwell Nalevansky, Rats! immediately distinguishes itself as a sharp celebration of bad taste. A slightly less transgressive The Greasy Strangler by way of Greener Grass, it’s very, very funny and really, really not for everyone. Its Barbie-bright colors belie the darkness of its gags, many of which hit with the blunt force surreality of a PTSD episode.  

For his first movie, newcomer Luke Wilcox lucks into the lead role of Raphael, but he’s essentially the straight man in an unknown cast of curves and zigzags. The most askew among them is the aforementioned cop, played with go-for-broke gusto by Danielle Evon Ploeger (2022’s Country Gold). Darius Autry (The Asylum’s Jungle Run) greatly amuses as the cousin, while Jacob Wysocki (Unfriended) is responsible for at least a dozen laughs in the first five minutes alone as an ineffective shoplifter.

But speaking of theft, this show gets stolen by burlesque artist Ariel Ash and Brian Villalobos (Scare Package) as, respectively, a sex bomb and henpecked husband who cosplay as a TV news team, hoping to nab on-the-scene exclusives regarding the suburban absurdity unfolding around them. And brother, does Rats! ever scurry up more than plenty, haunds down. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

In 1977, John Waters released the filthy Desperate Living, one of his most underrated features and, to be sure, one of his best. On the other hand, famed pop artist Andy Warhol’s film editor Jed Johnson directed his own filthy ditty, Andy Warhol’s Bad, and, true to its name, it really wasn’t very good.

In fact, it’s Bad.

Sure, Bad had the Waters vibe of the Baltimore suburban dystopia, all played for full belly snorts and unrushed chortles, but Waters’ own artistry and persona made all his films so unique. At times, his amateurish bravado made his films better.

Bad has none of that. Sure, Johnson had the low-class substrata, the skid-marked panties and a brutally nasty tone, but unlike Waters’ work, Johnson’s film doesn’t have the well-oiled crotch or the well-timed heart. Just a bunch of people acting like assholes.

Starting with the boozy theme song courtesy of blues musician Mike Bloomfield, the movie starts with an overflowing public toilet and, sadly, doesn’t get better. Drifter L.T. (a pre-Riptide Perry King) gets in the murder-for-hire business for downbeat electrolysis pimp Hazel (Carroll Baker, 1978’s Cyclone). L.T.’s a sleazy dude who struts around waiting for the phone while stealing from his landlord as she puts broken glass on the floor for him to step on.

Waiting for the call, he encounters all the women in Hazel’s service, including an oversexed Italian ice queen; Hazel’s undersexed, long-suffering welfare daughter (Susan Tyrrell, Avenging Angel); and a pair of sisters who are psycho-sexual arsonists and stab a dog in the street.

It all culminates when not only does L.T. strikes an autistic child many times on his job, but when a woman throws a screaming child out the window that, of course, causes it to splat on the street, all for comedy … right?

I am all for the blackest comedy around — seriously! — but you need to have even slight tittering somewhere in there, even for the most uncomfortable jokes. Instead, Warhol and company thought they were woefully posturing around the New York art scene, yet they were the only audience for it. It’s sad this could have been something but when a bad joke isn’t a joke at all, it becomes a tarnished insult.

The direction is bad, the script is bad, the performances are bad and, worst, the comedy is bad. At least Paul Morrissey could set up a camera and a joke. —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.