Category Archives: Action

Mirageman (2007)

One of the best superhero movies you’re likely never to have seen hails from South America: Mirageman, one of a number of kick-ass collaborations between Chilean writer/director Ernesto Díaz Espinoza and star Marko Zaror, aka the Latin Dragon.

Here, Zaror plays Maco, the strong, silent type who lives alone and earns a meager living as a bouncer, and whose life is given purpose after thwarting a home robbery while out for a night run. One of the victims in that incident is foxy newscaster Carol V. (María Elena Swett), who later sings his praises on TV, but has no idea who he is, because Maco had donned the blue ski mask of the first criminal he foiled.

Setting up an email account, the superhero soon known as Mirageman becomes a public vigilante, but mocked by the media. His missions increase in severity, from sparring with a gang of breakdancers to rescuing a 6-year-old kidnapped by a pedophile network. Along the way, he (briefly) acquires a sidekick, Pseudo-Robin.

Realistic and original by comparison to Hollywood’s comics-spurred tentpoles, this scrappy, low-budget effort — shot partly catch-as-catch-can — soars on the sure hand of Espinoza’s vision, which comes infused with a dose of good-natured humor, and the broad shoulders of the instantly endearing Zaror, who’s an Expendables-worthy real deal. He speaks very little throughout, but lets his martial-arts expertise — and his homemade Spider-Man goggles — do the talking. —Rod Lott

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The Punisher (2004)

Of the three films made to date of the Marvel Comics character, 2004’s The Punisher is half the movie as the ones that bookend it. Thomas Jane (Deep Blue Sea) assumes the Punisher role, aka Frank Castle, a FBI agent who calls it quits after too many grueling undercover jobs, the most recent of which resulted in the accidental death of the son of über-rich businessman Howard Saint, played by John Travolta, here fully ensconced in his honey-baked ham mode.

As payback, Saint — oh, the irony! — orders the assassination of Castle and his entire family, conveniently assembled in one place for a family reunion. Only Frank manages to survive. Donning the black, skull-emblazoned T-shirt his son opportunely gifted him before dying, he calls himself The Punisher, outfits his car and apartment with weapons galore and sets out to take down Saint and all his expensive-suited goons.

In his directorial debut, Jonathan Hensleigh gives his revenge tale an ugly grit that’s supposed to remind audiences of the pistol-packin’ ‘70s, but unfortunately, his story and pacing are reminiscent of ‘70s episodic cop shows. The dialogue is melodramatic and goofy; the score is overwrought and inappropriate.

And Jane doesn’t get to do much punishing. Aside from the final office-building siege in which Castle doles out some ass-kicking (and neck-penetrating and chin-stabbing), the action is subdued rather than exciting. The film’s big fight scene is supposed to be a mano y mano match between Castle and a mute walking steroid known as “the Russian,” but it’s hard not to laugh since he’s dressed like Baby Huey.

The Punisher is one of the last movies that needs comic relief, but lo and behold, it throws in not one, but two wacky neighbors! It also doesn’t need romance, but Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is there anyway as a heartbroken, downtrodden waitress who takes a shine to Castle. It’s not that the film needs eye candy with Mulholland Dr. hussy Laura Harring bouncing across the screen, but what was Hensleigh thinking when he cuts away from her undressing to lingerie? Oh, well, at least he lets us see Travolta be dragged by a car and set aflame in full. —Rod Lott

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China Strike Force (2000)

In this English-language actioner from Hong Kong, two cops (one of whom is Aaron Kwok of Storm Riders, although they look so much like twins, I could hardly tell them apart) are out to quash a mob ring that, for the first time, is channeling drugs into mainland China.

Heading the operation is cocksure Mark Dacascos (Brotherhood of the Wolf), eager to work out the details of a $14 million coke transaction with his visiting supplier, played by rap star Coolio, who must’ve had it worked into his contract to have his character be named Coolio as well. Three times he says, “Man, I could get used to this shit!” Assisting them is a mysterious cutie not afraid to strip naked when she’s accused of wearing a wire.

For all its flaws — not much of a story, Coolio — China Strike Force delivers in the action department. From the opening training sequence, the film moves to a foot chase on a busy highway with the pursued and pursuer eventually jumping from moving vehicle to moving vehicle. There’s also a great, high-octane car chase between a Lamborghini and a race car, plus several rounds of martial-arts showdowns. But the biggest and best stunt is saved for last, with the characters battling on a constantly tilting plate-glass window suspended high above the city.

Not surprisingly, old pro Stanley Tong — director of several Jackie Chan films, including Rumble in the Bronx and Supercop — is behind the camera and guides his affable leads to direct-to-video greatness. Be sure and stick around for the Chan-tastic ouch-takes at the end credits. —Rod Lott

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Extreme Ops (2002)

In Hollywood’s first extreme-sports-inspired action film (seemingly existing only to have a movie with “extreme” in the title), a group of crazy kids shooting a camcorder commercial in the Austrian mountains are mistaken for CIA agents by Serbian war criminals hiding out in the unfinished resort where they’re staying.

That’s just one of many of Extreme Ops’ glaring gaps of logic wider than the space between star Bridgitte Wilson-Sampras’ eyes. But sure enough, this criminal mastermind who could not be toppled by entire governments is foiled with X Games stunts; this terrorist is taken down by beer-guzzling, snot-nosed sports freaks. If that’s the case, shouldn’t we have sent Tony Hawk to Iraq?

Dark City’s Rufus Sewell leads the team and has the hots for gold-medal downhill skier Bridgitte Wilson-Sampras-Gums-Teeth. The others dare you to like them, debuting with such lines as “I’m cramping and bleeding like a stuck pig!” and “Wassup, bitches?” That includes the rather unappealing Devon Sawa (Final Destination), whose baby teeth and bloodshot eyes suggests “reeks of skunk weed.” They’re so nutty and anti-authority that they’re always doing things like skateboarding atop moving trains and snowboarding off hotel roofs and laughing about it like it’s the funniest thing on earth. Why wasn’t Matthew Lillard in this?

It’s hard to side with the Extreme Ops team over the bad guys. And how do we know they’re bad? Because they’re bald and play chess … with bullets — how hardcore! The stunts are excellent, but that leaves no excellence for other aspects of the film. At least one character’s voice has been redubbed in its entirety. Directed by Screamers’ Christian Duguay, the flick has more falling snow in it than Chris Farley’s last party, and appears to have been made only for guys who use the word “bro.” Extreme Oops may be a more apt title. —Rod Lott

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Tarzan and the Great River (1967)

Tarzan and the Valley of Gold wasn’t the last Tarzan movie to be influenced by the ’60s James Bond phenomenon. Coming two years later, the series’ next entry, Tarzan and the Great River, also stars Mike Henry and opens with a groovy spy feel, but adds The African Queen and Apocalypse Now to its mix. The latter wouldn’t come along for another 12 years, so it’s probably more accurate to cite Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness.

Either way, Tarzan takes a trip up a mysterious river to confront the mad, god-like ruler of a deadly cult. His ride is on a boat owned by Charlie Allnut-lookalike Sam Bishop (comedian Jan Murray) and his boy sidekick Pepe (Manuel Padilla Jr., who was also in Valley of Gold, but as a different character). There’s also a nurse (Diana Millay from TV’s Dark Shadows) who’s trying to get some medicine to a remote village that’s under attack by a jaguar cult and its leader, Barcuna (Olympic decathlon champion Rafer Johnson).

The Great River isn’t as over-the-top and sexy as Valley of Gold, but that’s what makes it so endearing. It has a different feel from its predecessor, mostly focused on the relationships between the travelers and their various reasons for going up river. There’s a great final battle between Tarzan and Barcuna, but what sticks with you is the movie’s humor and charm.

Boys may sleep with Valley of Gold, but they marry Great River. —Michael May

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