As much as you may love movies, you’re human and only have so much time. Some movies are simply going to fall by the wayside, never to be seen by your eyes. That’s okay. You’re not a bad person. Unless you’re Rod Lott (the creator of this site) and that movie is Da’ Booty Shop. In that case, you’re going to suffer eternal torment in Hades for what you did.

See, a while back, someone sent a DVD copy of that film to Rod to review and he decided he could live the whole rest of his life without doing so. I mocked him for his refusal and suggested he was a coward. In retaliation, he sent it to me and dared me to watch and review it. And I did, first in video form (see below) and now here in print. Does this make me a better person than him? Yes. Yes it does.

An “urban comedy” (that means it’s about black people), Da’ Booty Shop recounts the adventures of a stripper named Yolanda (Trina McGee), who reluctantly inherits the responsibilities of an “urban” hair salon (that means it’s for black people) after her brother (Marcello Thedford) is sent to jail for undisclosed reasons. Yolanda is an idiot and is no way prepared to deal with the mess her brother has left for her to deal with. For some reason, she decides to hire her stripper friends to work at the salon, and it all ends happily.

The plot is unimportant. All that matters is that Da’ Booty Shop really sucks and I was man enough to watch it and someone else wasn’t. Remember that. I know I will. —Allan Mott

Buy it at Amazon.

I think we can all agree that what kept those ’70s Kurt Russell Walt Disney films from reaching states of true transcendence was their unwillingness to explore what an average teenage boy would really do if he became freakishly strong (The Strongest Man in the World), invisible (Now You See Him, Now You Don’t) or intelligent (The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes) — namely, use his newfound powers to see boobs and get laid. Zapped! served as an early ’80s attempt to both correct this error and launch the cinematic careers of future Charles in Charge co-stars Scott Baio and Willie Aames.

History has proven this was ill-advised.

Baio plays Barney, a teenage genius who inadvertently gains telekinetic powers when his experiments go awry. A better film might have used his odd situation to develop an actual plot, but the filmmakers behind Zapped! decided instead to just use it as an excuse to tell a series of increasingly unfunny sex, drug and bodily function jokes, causing much more sadness than laughter. It doesn’t help that the two stars have all of the charisma you’d expect from two future reality show has-beens.

Even worse is the film’s reluctance to embrace its own depravity. For a teen sex comedy, Zapped! is woefully short on sex and surprisingly light on gratuitous nudity. One only has to look at the end credits and read “A double was used for Miss [Heather] Thomas in her nude scene and in the photograph” to appreciate the depths of the project’s failure. —Allan Mott

Buy it at Amazon.