How can you tell The Green Hornet feature film is cobbled together from four episodes of the ’60s TV series? Because for about 20 minutes, our masked superhero (Van Williams) and his sidekick, Kato (Bruce Lee), are being targeted by the big city’s criminal bigwigs for assassination, and then — kablooey! — aliens from outer space (in the forms of humans donning costumes one level above Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil) burst through the wall. Cohesion and consistency, you are marked for death!
By day, The Green Hornet is wealthy newspaper publisher Britt Reid, and Kato is his chauffeur. The far-out space nuts comprise the largest piece of the story pie as they vie for control of a warhead, then suddenly — and finally — the action shifts to the Golden Lotus Cafe, the playground of the deadly Tongs and their kidnapping and extortion racket.
Hornet was birthed as another Batman, but eschews that series’ playfulness for a more straightforward approach. I wouldn’t exactly call it gritty, but the emphasis is on crime rather than clowning around, with the added pleasure of kung fu. Williams is generic is both line delivery and pretty-boy looks, but likable enough. Lee is, of course, Lee, Supreme Ass-Kicker of the World, and to the surprise of nobody, the biggest asset of this superheroic feature.
Your best bet for grabbing this film and its 1976 sequel, Fury of the Dragon, plus all the episodes, the two crossover eps from Batman, the 1940s serial and a slew of extras, look no further than the four-disc Ultimate Collection import. Since the series — not to mention Batman as well — isn’t yet licensed for stateside release, it’s a steal. —Rod Lott
Agatha Christie’s classic novel And Then There Were None has been adapted for the screen many times, but none more swingin’ than schlockmeister Harry Alan Towers’ 1965 production, Ten Little Indians. This version is inferior to the first and best, 1945’s And Then There Were None, directed by René Clair, but don’t let that dissuade you.
Christie’s amazingly influential premise is directly ported onto screen as 10 strangers — a doctor, a judge, an actress, a singer, etc. — are summoned to a weekend in the mountaintop mansion of one Mr. U.N. Owen, a host none of them know. They’re awaiting his arrival when a recording of his voice (a disembodied Christopher Lee) accuses each of them of having commited murder of an innocent. Their punishment is getting murdered in turn, as they’re trapped in the estate until Monday.
Not long after they notice the presence of the “Ten Little Indians” nursery rhyme all over the rooms, one of them dies, and in the exact manner as the rhyme’s first couplet. Just who is this Mr. Owen? Why is he doing this? And will they be able to find out before there are none of them left? You’ll have a ball being stumped.
Only in the ’60s would teen idol Fabian be cast, making some of the strangest facial expressions the screen wouldn’t see the likes of until Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot. Only in the ’60s would the lead roles be given to featherweight actors like Hugh O’Brian and former Bond girl Shirley Eaton (who, however, disrobes twice). And only in the ’60s would it be given a William Castle-esque gimmick in the form of a “Whodunit Break,” a minute-long intermission during which a clock countdowns the seconds, shows you clues and invites you to figure out the solution beforehand. —Rod Lott
Scream queen Tiffany Shepis is the recent star of Dark Reel, Night of the Demons and the new comedy Trade In, in which she plays a lesbian used car saleswoman.
FLICK ATTACK: Correct if I’m wrong, but it looks like in this year and the next, you have about six films coming out … every other Tuesday.
SHEPIS: I think it’s seven, man, to correct you. I’m a pretty lucky girl. They keep me working in this crazy horror genre of mine, and now the genre of used car movies.
FLICK ATTACK: You don’t do many comedies, do you?
SHEPIS: Certainly a lot of my horror movies end up being comedies, not often by choice! I stay very true to my horror roots, but it’s definitely been fun for a change.
FLICK ATTACK: So how does one prepare for a role as a lesbian car saleswoman?
SHEPIS: You become a lesbian car saleswoman. Method all the way! It was easy. Who can’t appreciate a beautiful woman? For the car salesman part, you have to go to all sorts of smarmy routes to get people to buy a car nowadays.
FLICK ATTACK: Do you think you could even sell a runaway Prius?
SHEPIS: You know, I think I might. I was pretty good at my pitches! We actually shot on a working car lot in Tucson, Ariz. I would talk shit to the guys and say, “Aw, I can do this better than you — here, watch, watch, watch.” And I was pretty good! I think I found my niche! I might quit movies and sell cars.
FLICK ATTACK: But that would be our loss.
SHEPIS: And then what would you have to do every other Tuesday?
FLICK ATTACK: Is it true you were engaged to Corey Haim?
SHEPIS: I was very good friends with Corey Haim.
FLICK ATTACK: And this was his last role, right?
SHEPIS: I think so. He was on our set a whole lot. We had no intentions of having him in the movie; he was just kinda there to hang out. At one point, somebody got smart and said, “Hey, why don’t we put him in it?” and I was like, “Ding ding ding, stupid.” So they wrote in a part for him and it turned out to be a really weird, creepy, bizarre dream sequence.
FLICK ATTACK: Obviously, you were good friends with him, but could you even tell him apart from Corey Feldman?
SHEPIS: Yeah, I could!
FLICK ATTACK: How does Trade In compare to Used Cars?
SHEPIS: Oh, totally different ball game, man. We did the best that we could with not a lot of money. There’s about 100 writers on this thing and a lot of people in the pot, and a lot of cool Arizona actors who had a knack for improv. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but I think they got a cool little comedy out of it.
FLICK ATTACK: And you have Ron Jeremy.
SHEPIS: He’s quite the asset to have in your movie. It’s such a strange industry, the horror world, because it crosses over into comic book fans, porn fans and some of the sci-fi fans all the same. It definitely works to have him in your movie.
FLICK ATTACK: With vampires and zombies playing themselves out, what do you think is going to be the next great horror fad? And please say “sexy naked killer robot ghosts.”
SHEPIS: I absolutely think it should be sexy naked killer robot ghosts. That or tentacled sex monsters. Tentacle sex, that’s where it’s at. I don’t know what horror fans want anymore. Some horror fans will go buy every movie that has “Camp” in the title. Others want thinking man’s horror films and want something different and new. And then you have horror fans that don’t want any remakes at all, but get pissed when something’s original!
FLICK ATTACK: What’s it like to stand next to Kane Hodder, and is it scarier to stand next to Julie Strain?
SHEPIS: I certainly think I’d be more scared of Julie. That’s a big woman and certainly looks like she could beat me. But she’s the sweetest lady on the planet. Kane, I met when I was 15. I grew up knowing Kane, so to me, there’s zero scary about him. They’re all pussycats, all these horror guys. You won’t find another fan of the genre more than Kane.
FLICK ATTACK: Name one other Shakespearean adaptation that’s better than Tromeo and Juliet.
SHEPIS: Oh, shit, there’s none! Tromeo and Juliet is in a class of its own, man. My first movie and what a cool first movie to be a part of. I was a big Troma fan and in my opinion, it was their best film since Class of Nuke ‘Em High.
FLICK ATTACK: Have you ever had a moment during shooting when you paused, took a step back and thought, “Wait, that’s just not right. That is fucked-up”?
SHEPIS: Not particularly. I’ve been desensitized working on such weird shit. I mean, I have no problem killing a whore in the woods … but killing a baby isn’t my cup of tea. Even the hardened horror idiot in me has some boundaries. That’s not to say I won’t be killing babies in my next movie. This shit changes every day.
FLICK ATTACK: Since you work on multiple projects all the time, have you ever accidentally done nudity on a movie that didn’t call for it?
SHEPIS: No, but that’d be a very lucky production! They’d be, “Whoa, we’re not paying you for that!” I’d be like, “Oh, sure you are!” No, but I have been confused talking to directors on the phone. I read a lot of scripts on the plane and then I’ll get a call about getting through a script and scheduling. “Oh, yeah, that thing was awesome! I can’t wait to be involved! That scene is going to be awesome!” and they’re like, “What scene? What are you talking about?” And I’m like, “Oh, shit, now how do I back off and tell them their movie was crappy and I’m not going to do it?” So I’ve had those! Fortunately, not too many of them. You gotta remember, I’m still just a stupid actor. We fuck up a lot.
FLICK ATTACK: Do you have a favorite among all your projects?
SHEPIS: You know, I’ve got two current favorites. My all-time favorite was always The Hazing. I get possessed by Brad Dourif. I loved that movie. It was very much like a Night of the Demons — huge fan of the original, huge fan of the remake — like a fun, ’80s throwback popcorn movie you see with your friends and have a good time. Really big fan of The Frankenstein Syndrome, which is not out yet. It’s obviously close to me. I produced it, I starred in it, it’s very different than my other stuff. And another one coming out Feb. 15: Bonnie and Clyde vs. Dracula.
FLICK ATTACK: Love the title.
SHEPIS: Love the title, love the movie. And if I do say so myself, I’m pretty fucking phenomenal in it. —Rod Lott
Positioned as a sequel – but bearing absolutely no relation – to Jet Li’s hugely enjoyable Die Hard knockoff Meltdown, the Hong Kong actioner Another Meltdown (formerly known as The Black Sheep Affair) stars Man Cheuk Chiu as Officer Dong (couldn’t they have changed that in dubbing?), a cop reassigned to the USSR after infiltrating an airplane hostage situation.
Upon arrival in Russia, he goes head to head and toe to toe with a Japanese terrorist who offs some Interpol agents at the subway station. Eventually, the bad guy kidnaps Dong’s saintly girlfriend (Shu Qi from The Transporter).
There are some good action scenes – particularly the ones that rely more on martial arts than guns, or the vehicular assault that rips off Clear and Present Danger – but the story gets too bogged down in politics, a move that also marred the then-recent Korean film Shiri.
Having second thought about getting a vasectomy? Watch Orphan and you’ll be reaching for the kitchen scissors and a hand mirror before the third act. It’s not like there’s a dearth of evil-kid suspensers, but the girl at the center of this one could turn you into a misogynist.
Her name’s Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman), a 9-year-old girl from Russia adopted by a lesbian couple — oh, that’s Peter Sarsgaard, you say? My bad! — a married couple grieving over the sudden death of their third baby. Kate (Vera Farmiga) is a recovering alcoholic; she and hubby John (Sarsgaard) have a deaf daughter and an asshole son, so adding a cold-blooded killer to the mix seems like a natural move.
Esther’s warming-up period includes watching John bend Kate over the kitchen counter. Kate tries to explain: “They want to show that love, they want to express it.” Replies Esther, “I know — they fuck.” (Art Linkletter, you were so correct!) Before long, the girl is breaking legs, killing nuns, destroying marriages, setting fires, playing the piano even though she said she couldn’t — is there no end to her reign of terror?
By-the-numbers it may be, Orphan is at least well-made mediocrity by House of Wax director Jaume Collet-Serra, and Farmiga seems not to realize this is a Dark Castle release — she acts the hell out of the thing as if AMPAS voters might be sniffing around on accident. Its biggest mystery isn’t what made Esther the pigtailed bitch that she is, but: 1) who thought that twist would work, and 2) why is this thing over two hours long? Why, God, why? —Rod Lott
How can you tell The Green Hornet feature film is cobbled together from four episodes of the ’60s TV series? Because for about 20 minutes, our masked superhero (Van Williams) and his sidekick, Kato (Bruce Lee), are being targeted by the big city’s criminal bigwigs for assassination, and then — kablooey! — aliens from outer space (in the forms of humans donning costumes one level above Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil) burst through the wall. Cohesion and consistency, you are marked for death!
Hornet was birthed as another Batman, but eschews that series’ playfulness for a more straightforward approach. I wouldn’t exactly call it gritty, but the emphasis is on crime rather than clowning around, with the added pleasure of kung fu. Williams is generic is both line delivery and pretty-boy looks, but likable enough. Lee is, of course, Lee, Supreme Ass-Kicker of the World, and to the surprise of nobody, the biggest asset of this superheroic feature.
Not long after they notice the presence of the “Ten Little Indians” nursery rhyme all over the rooms, one of them dies, and in the exact manner as the rhyme’s first couplet. Just who is this Mr. Owen? Why is he doing this? And will they be able to find out before there are none of them left? You’ll have a ball being stumped.
Scream queen Tiffany Shepis is the recent star of 
FLICK ATTACK: And you have Ron Jeremy.
Esther’s warming-up period includes watching John bend Kate over the kitchen counter. Kate tries to explain: “They want to show that love, they want to express it.” Replies Esther, “I know — they fuck.” (Art Linkletter, you were so correct!) Before long, the girl is breaking legs, killing nuns, destroying marriages, setting fires, playing the piano even though she said she couldn’t — is there no end to her reign of terror?