“So go ahead, put us down /
One of these days, we’ll turn it around“
So goes The Rubinoos’ common-cold-catchy theme song to 1983’s Revenge of the Nerds. At the time, we believed it.
Yeah, that didn’t last long. By the time the series became a belated trilogy via a toothless made-for-TV movie, turning it around was no longer an option. You know you’re in trouble when the title card visually resembles a local pizzeria’s TV commercial seen on UHF channels.
As the subtitle says, this sad sequel centers ’round the new kids — specifically, best buds/total geeks Harold (Gregg Binkley, Dracula: Dead and Loving It) and Ira (Richard Israel, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow) headed to their freshman year at Adams College, where they plan to pledge the famed nerd-ternity of Lambda Lambda Lambda and finally lose their V-cards.
Don’t think original Nerds writers Jeff Buhai and Steve Zacharias ignore the nerds of the first two films (minus Anthony Edwards, who had better things to do by now). After all, Lewis Skolnick (Robert Carradine) heads Adams’ computer science department in addition to being Harold’s uncle. However, Lewis also is no longer a nerd, but a cool dude with a ponytail! For these indiscretions, Booger (Curtis Armstrong) dismisses Lewis as “the nerd Benedict Arnold.”
But some things never change: The Tri-Lambs remain at war with Alpha Beta. In fact, the jock frat’s BMOC alum, Stan (Ted McGinley), is now dean. He’s still schemin’, currently to weasel his weasel’s way back into the labia of ex-girlfriend Betty (Julia Montgomery), now married to her rapist Lewis.
Don’t worry, Mom: This Nerd-venture has no bush, being made for prime time and all. Betty has gone from appearing starkers to a modest one-piece swimsuit from Kohl’s Soccer Mom collection. Fox’s Standards and Practices appears to have dulled every edge belonging to Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation, because the Greek system’s Hell Week is now called Heck Week.
Pranks are pulled, accordingly PG. No liquid heat in jockstraps this time. You get a pimple cream switcheroo, a double head shaving and a shower spigot half-filled with red dye. In staunch defiance of the laws of physics, the latter puts perfect stripes on the body of former shock-talker Morton Downey Jr., making him look like a human candy cane or barbershop pole — your choice.
Believe it or not, Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love marks an improvement. —Rod Lott