Turns out, things aren’t always bigger in Texas. This homemade Amityville Horror coattailer chronicles the experience of newlyweds moving into an absolute bargain of a starter home in the Lone Star State. Because the devil, y’all.
Immediately, Count Floyd-level “spooky” frights occur. The crucifix on the wall does a 180. The coffee carat overflows with chocolate pudding. A kitchen chair hits the wife in the butt. The phone rings, yet no one’s on the line. You yawn.
Because Satan War is shot on 16mm — and mostly in the dark at that — things can be difficult for the eye to discern. In that way, it achieves an accidental artiness similar to the shaggy, lo-fi vibe of Skinamarink, but with 100% more macramé.
The highlight of Bart La Rue’s film finds the wife (one-timer Sally Schermerhorn) getting felt up while she’s scrubbing dishes. That’s the only element of the 64-minute movie that pushes the envelope — or rather, drags said envelope along the surface of the armoire by a string.
Two longer versions of Satan War exist, at 77 and 92 minutes. The prospect of viewing either is more shiver-inducing than anything onscreen. —Rod Lott