Ghastlies (2016)

A good quarter-century after the Gremlins knockoffs had run their course, prolific Canadian filmmaker Brett Kelly (Konga TNT) unleashed Ghastlies. Regardless of time period, it’s consistently unamusing and unimaginative.

A UFO drops the Ghastlies (aka thrift-store puppets) in the woods, near a cabin rented for the weekend by some sorority girls (aka four women in their late 20s to mid-30s). Before too terribly long, Ghastlies gotta Ghastly (aka positioned stationary or moved by someone out of frame).

They number a scant three, but at least each is unique: a five-eyed purple dragon, a green gator with a Mohawk and an orange rectangle with downturned horn. (By comparison, they make the hobgoblins of Rick Sloane’s wretched Hobgoblins look like frickin’ Jim Henson.) They murder the bitchiest woman with a plastic spoon. Also killed are a pizza delivery guy, two bicycle cops and other things (aka your valuable time). —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

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