Much curiosity surrounding The Gallows is to see if Cassidy Gifford, the 22-year-old daughter of NFL legend Frank and longtime Regis Philbin sidekick Kathie Lee, can emote. The answer: She can, but only poorly, so move along to a better movie, i.e. virtually any other movie. The only thing worse than a horror film that doesn’t raise the pulse is the one that puts you to sleep, and The Gallows is a strong contender as this millennium’s dullest of offerings yet, found-footage or otherwise.
In 1983, students of a small-town high school in Nebraska mounted a production of the titular play, during which the leading man was accidentally, fatally hanged. Twenty years later, the school tries again — too soon! — this time with a jock (Reese Mishler) assuming the lead. Despite his crush for his leading lady (Pfeifer Brown), he develops serious butterflies as opening night approaches, so his best bro (annoying Ryan Shoos) proposes a late-night sabotage of the set, entering through a door that everyone knows is broken.
So break in they do, with Gifford’s bitchy Cassidy in tow. (Why do so many found-footage films name their characters after the actual actors, your editor asks rhetorically.) However, clad in a hangman’s mask that is glimpsed too little to elicit shivers, the spirit of the dead performer appears to haunt the stage, not to mention the rest of the school grounds. In general, the kids are portrayed (purposely and, Gifford excepted, by unknowns) as self-absorbed brats, leaving the viewer to feel the quicker they are choked to death, the better.
With no true hero, there are no real stakes; therefore, barely any structure exists on which to hang a feature film, yet Travis Cluff and Chris Lofing have done it anyway. The directing duo’s script, wafer-thin, is all buildup to a conclusion that qualifies as foregone before frame one hits your eyes. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a few asshole teens yell at one another as they run around the darkened halls of school for an hour, The Gallows is your movie. Godspeed, and be warned: It’s as dramatic as watching someone open a locker … which we see happen, by the way. —Rod Lott