One good joke can be found in Superfast!, a super-crappy comedy you should avoid, so I’m going to “spoil” the bit: A police dispatcher is heard saying, “We’ve got a black guy in a white neighborhood minding his own business. All units respond.”
There. Ninety-nine minutes of your life has been saved. No need to thank me; it’s what I do.
In their first parody flick since 2013’s The Starving Games, gruesome twosome Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer apply their razor-dull wit to spoof the Fast and the Furious franchise — largely the 2001 original and 2011’s Fast Five. Whichever chapter of that series is your least favorite, rest assured it is miles upon miles better — and funnier — than this flaccid enterprise. There is not enough nitrous oxide in the world to convince me otherwise.
So unimaginative are Friedberg and Seltzer that the main characters share the same first names as the F&F actors whose roles they’re making fun of: The Vin Diesel character here is named Vin; the Michelle Rodriguez character is named Michelle, and so on. The exception is the Paul Walker character, who gets rechristened Lucas, presumably out of respect for the too-soon dead. Vin (Dale Pavinksi, Takers) is cross-eyed and chrome-domed; Lucas (Alex Ashbaugh, The Canyons) drives a rainbows-and-unicorns-emblazoned car with an “I Brake for Hugs” bumper sticker; and Michelle (Andrea Navedo, Porn ’n Chicken) is a barely closeted lesbian, because ha-ha.
With throwaway jabs at Pitch Perfect and the Grand Theft Auto video games that land as well a gymnast with no depth perception, Superfast! is like all the other Friedberg/Seltzer mockery movies, including Vampires Suck and Meet the Spartans: It aims low — at Cracked magazine-level — and misses even that. —Rod Lott