Directed by that action-flick Top Gun we know as Tony Scott, The Last Boy Scout shows remarkable restraint. By that, I mean the word “fuck” and its variations are uttered only 102 times in its 105 minutes. I would’ve expected Scott either to go for a even 1-to-1 ratio or tip it in favor of the F-bomb.

Or, as Damon Wayans’ disgraced-quarterback character spells it, “bom” — a fitting emblem for a movie so stultifyingly stupid. Written by Shane Black in his pure Lethal Weapon mode (except not good), Scout pairs Wayans (I’m Gonna Git You Sucka) with Bruce Willis (Die Hard) as a down-and-out private dick looking to solve the murder of the former footballer’s stripper girlfriend (Halle Berry, X-Men: Days of Future Past).

Despite seeing release in 1991, Scout is very much of the ’80s, thanks to the meaty mitts of producer Joel Silver, who defined action-movie excess in the decade with the likes of Predator, Commando and the aforementioned Die Hard and Lethal Weapon franchises. His loud-and-proud formula is in full effect here (except not good), as evidenced by all the neon, synth rock, pro football, cigarettes with inch-long ashes, lines of cocaine and chugging aspirin straight from the bottle.

Not to mention the exotic dancers, thongs, car chases, gun-porn shots to the head (in slow motion, even!), ’splosions, Willis’ Squint-’n’-Smirk® acting style, Wayans’ Prince impersonations, Scott’s beloved sepia tone, Pepsi product placement, car phones, a foul-mouthed kid (Halloween 4 and 5’s Danielle Harris, then barely a teenager), not-funny wisecracks (“I’m Fuckface; he’s Asshole”) and — last but definitely least — a credits-to-credits battle between raging homophobia and latent homosexuality. —Rod Lott

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