Albert Zugsmith’s The Phantom Gunslinger should exist as an animated film. It employs sound effects from a button presumably marked “ZANY.” It has opening narration that comparatively makes Elmer Fudd a great debater. Its scenes run sped-up more often than not; if that’s not quite true, it sure appears to be.
Plus, it puts former teen idol Troy Donahue (Seizure) on spring-loaded shoes.
Donahue plays Bill, mild-mannered seminarian-cum-sheriff of Tucca Flats, a Hollywood backlot of an Old West town. It’s a peaceful place until a group of Mexican bandits rides in, calling itself The Terrible Seven; one of its members is a little person who hangs with a duck and licks an Eggo-waffle lollipop. There’s no story to it — just slapstick fight after slapstick fight after slapstick fight, either with bullets or buffets. Of course pies are thrown.
All frying pans and feathers and “Frère Jacques,” The Phantom Gunslinger makes joking references to The Magnificent Seven, Mae West and The Man from U.N.C.L.E., but really, it’s not so much a spoof of anything in particular beyond itself. Zugsmith (Sex Kittens Go to College) thinks this stuff is hysterical, but the humor is patience-trying, with just-because non-gags that range from a bank manager who strongly resembles Adolf Hitler to a saloon girl who drinks milk from a baby bottle. In the process — and in no particular order — he mildly insults Indians, Mexicans and your intelligence. —Rod Lott