1. Bikini Med School and Bikini House Calls look like they’re cobbled together from some really awful Skinemax series.
2. In both, various sexual couplings occur in a frat-house room among a stock group of med students.
3. Downstairs, horse-faced strippers who don’t strip dance to excruciating butt-rock tunes.
4. Occasionally, the movies cut to old stock footage of medical whatnot, sometimes in the middle of a line, for no discernible reason.
5. They also share the same group of unappealing characters.
6. In 1994’s Bikini Med School, two guys bet each other $100 that they can trick a girl into sex.
7. This being a film with “bikini” in the title, they succeed.
8. Writer/director (to use those terms lightly) Michael Paul Girard loved this plot so much that he repeated it in the second half.
9. 1996’s Bikini House Calls is more of the same, except with a fantasy sequence, more panty-sniffing, a fake orgasm contest and a prank pulled with itching powder.
10. Girard is also to blame for 1993’s Illegal Affairs (aka Divorce Law) and A Brief Affair.
11. Those films offer the same sophomoric episodic romps where the comedy is as simulated as the sex, but set in a law firm so that, as one friend put it, the characters can “go to court and fuck on desks.”
12. B-movie regulars Jay Richardson and Monique Parent star, perhaps regrettably, in both.
13. I like to refer to the guy on the right of the DVD cover as Vo-Tech Mullet Party Dude. —Rod Lott