You know, when I watch crappy movies that went straight to video and hear ridiculous lines like “I’ll give you a lead enema!” and “I think table 3 could use some nachos,” I often wonder if the screenwriter had illusions his work was headed for the $100-million-budget treatment instead of one just above your average rental fee.
I thought that a lot during Cyber Tracker, partly because it was so boring, I had to do something to bide the time, and partly because its premise and some scenes reminded me of Steven Spielberg’s Minority Report. As expected, Cyber Tracker’s level of energy doesn’t compare to Minority Report, unless we’re talking about that part in the latter’s end credits where they listed the caterers.
Bloodfist franchise star Don “The Dragon” Wilson kickboxes his way through his role as a Secret Service agent in the near future, when “computerized justice” allows Terminator-like robots to execute the guilty immediately, no questions asked. But when the grieving, widowed Wilson is framed for murder, he has to clear his name in order to stay alive.
After all, he’s in danger of getting a lead enema, and table 3 sure could use some nachos. —Rod Lott