1. Hackers — The only memory I have of this movie is the sound of someone audibly gasping the first time they saw Angelina Jolie onscreen. Luckily, I was the only person in the theater at the time, sparing me any unwanted embarrassment.
2. Johnny Mnemonic — More like Johnny Made-My-Butt-Numbic, right? Zing! I still got it!
3. Virtuosity — If there were an award for Most Ironic Movie Title of 1995, this Denzel Washington pic would still be too shitty to win it.
4. Destiny Turns on the Radio — When I was 20, I once went to see a movie just because Quentin Tarantino acted in it. If I could back in time, I’d totally kick myself in the nuts. —Allan Mott